Trans Boy

twenty. just like a married couple

wow i managed a longer chapter. the story isn't dead yet, somehow, which is also amazing right? but yeah i'm depressed so why not make the character i based on myself depressed too y'know? i need a bit of an outlet so danny can talk for me to people i made up to listen to my problems.

enjoy.

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There was a lot happening by the time Carlos woke me up. He leaned on the wooden banister with his arms crossed under his chin. He smiled when I acknowledged him.

"Morning," he greeted. I sat up quicker than I'd meant to and smacked my forehead on the ceiling. Hard. "Glad I didn't say good morning, huh?" He laughed and stepped back. He was almost as tall as the bed still. I hated it. I would have loved to be taller. Any height was better than barely five-six.

I slipped out of the bed, trying to ignore the throbbing in my forehead. Everyone else had cleared out. "What time?" I asked, shuffling through my bag for a tampon and some pants. I was surprised with myself and Carlos for not realising I was wearing a large shirt and underwear. I thought I'd worn shorts to bed as well.

"Breakfast just got over, so probably to the Pit." He looked over his shoulder and out the door; he'd left it open. It was warm. Not hot, but not cold. Perfect temperature. Like that sort of sixty degrees on a beach or in a small town that makes you feel right? It was nice - not enough to make me want to smile, but enough to make me feel a little less shitty.

I stood up with a pair of basketball shorts, a bottle of pills and the hoodie I'd successfully stolen from Theo and looked at Carlos. "I'll meet you there?" I said, trying to sound more like I was just suggesting it. I really didn't want him to ask any questions or make it awkward.

He shrugged. "Or I can walk with you?"

I didn't sigh. I didn't nod. I didn't shrug. I just said, "Okay," and didn't try to stop him. He walked with his hands in his pockets and held the pills when I motioned for him to take them. I'd scratched the label off—starting with my name and then moving to the rest of it. Originally it had been for antidepressants. Now it held my cramp pills, nausea pills, some antidepressants, and a mix of regular Advil and Aleve.

"You've got a medicinal trail mix and I am loving it," Carlos commented, having popped the lid off. I slipped the hoodie on over the shirt I'd worn to bed. I was wearing a bra instead of my binder and even under the clothes you could tell quite well. I wished I'd thought to change that.

"Yeah, my mum's a bit psycho," I laughed. She wasn't in that sense. That was all me. I was the one who wouldn't leave home without my own mix of painkillers. They all did something.

We stopped by the bathrooms and Carlos stood by the sign. It told a bit about the area like a regular state park would when they had hikers. No one had said anything about hikers around the area, but it wouldn't be too surprising.

I hated these bathrooms. They weren't horrible, but they weren't very good, either. Like a gas station sort of bathroom with showers, bigger mirrors, and more filthy skylights. Jango had commented on it when we were being shown around the first night. The lights weren't very good, so going at night was a waste of time. Zaila had made a point to pee in the woods the first few nights because she couldn't stand the bathrooms. She only used them now to brush her teeth and shower when it's cold.

I tried to move quick so I didn't spend more time in the room than I needed to. It wasn't even a building—it was like a cinderblock room. It was wonderful.

Carlos was still toying with the now-closed pill bottle when I walked out. "Why do you use the girl's?" He asked. It was a completely innocent and harmless question, I could tell by looking at him while I tried to come up with a response, but it made me feel terrible.