Trans Boy

twenty-two. a classic case of teenage angst

"Do you not understand?" Emerson asked, looking at Amy. She rubbed her arm and looked to the side nervously. She was biting her lip. She didn't like people yelling at her, even if they weren't angry with her. Amy just really hated yelling.

"I do, I just—"

"There's no 'just.' I thought I could talk to you." They sounded hurt. Now Amy felt like shit.

She tried to save the night. Tried to convince Emerson that leaving wouldn't be a good idea. Especially not after telling her. She couldn't keep secrets very well. "Can't you get help from the counsellors? Ask Charlie or Jeremy or—" she stopped herself. Emerson didn't trust anyone. They didn't go to her so she would stop them, talk them out of it, no. They went to her so someone knew. "Dammit," she whispered.

Emerson leaned back so they were sitting on their heels, their shoes bending enough to break the canvas from the rubber material. They laughed dryly. "I fucking hate it here. It's a lie. Nothing is different here and nothing will be different at home. Jesus Christ. . . It—It's just a waste of summer to get our hopes up." The look on their face told Amy not to argue. So she kept her mouth shut.

Emerson sighed and stood up. Her whole cabin had disappeared and gone to other people's cabins, so Emerson used it as a place to confide in her and pack up their things. Amy was impressed they'd gotten so much into a backpack. It looked like twice the size of the bag.

Amy shrugged now. "I can't really stop you. If you're going to leave, I'll keep my mouth shut for long enough that you can get out." Emerson cracked a small smile. "But I won't keep quiet too long. They're going to worry."

"Sure," the scoffed.

Then there was silence while Amy thought about what to say next and Emerson tried to figure out the best way to get down the mountain they were on. No money, very little food, and no sense of direction. They weren't going to do well, and Emerson knew it.

"Where are you going to go?" Amy whispered now. They had a couple of lamps on, but she was still worried about getting Emerson caught. The consequences of someone finding Emerson would be immense—even more so if it wasn't someone of authority.

"I don't know yet. To the city, I guess. It'll be hard to find me there. There's a lot of youth programmes there, though, so I could easily get with one of those and maybe even figure out how to get a job. I've made fake I.D.s before, too."

Amy smiled at that one.

So did Emerson. "I wanted to see myself on a license and school I.D. without a gender or anything specific about me. It was nice."

Amy nodded, hugging her knees. "Okay. If you promise to be smart, I promise to give you time."

Emerson held their hand out and Amy took it. "Fuck yeah."

Amy blushed. "Yeah. Good luck. I think you're a really cool person, just for the record."

Emerson was already at the door when she said this, but turned around and nodded. "You're a pretty alright person, too, Ames. You'll do good. Maybe one day we'll see each other, yeah?"

"Course."

Then Emerson left. And Amy stayed in the cabin alone until the silence really set in and she couldn't stand it anymore. So she turned off the lamps and shut the windows and went to the cabin she knew would have people in it.

She let herself in, keeping quiet. They were sitting and talking. Only the cabin, though, no one else.

"Hey," a loud girl with overalls said with a head nod up. "What's up?"

Amy blushed. "I got lonely. Can I stay here? Everyone else left."

- - - -

this wasn't supposed to be a cliché ending to Emerson's story, i just held onto the idea that they ran away for a long time. never had a provocation to why they did but i finally got it and wrote it out. happy day. or sad day.