Can't Remember to Forget You

Chapter One*

            CASSIE

A part of me is aware that this is a dream.

I'm in the dark, it's filthy and smelly, but somewhere in my mind I know that if I can just push through the darkness I'll come out on the other side. I know there must be another side. It feels like I've been here a long time, but I don't have a sense of fear or even loneliness. Even in the dark, smelly, dirty dream, I know I'm not alone.

I can feel that someone is there.

If I can only push through.

Push, push, push.

I just might come out on the other end.

So I push.

I don't know towards who, but I need to find out.

The first thing I noticed when I came to was the smell.

That awful bleach and antiseptic smell that all hospitals seem to have. Like they think if they clean it enough, they can erase the sense of death in these places.

Beep...beep...beep...beep...

The second thing I noticed, was the beeping.

The insistent, never ending, ever annoying beeping that has started to beep faster.

I struggled to open my eyes, feeling the heaviness to my lids, and noticing how the left eye doesn't seem to open all the way. Through my foggy vision I found I was right about the smell. I'm in the hospital.

But why?

"Help." My voice croaked, hardly audible. "Hello?"

I tried to move but found quickly that it was easier and less achy to just remain still.

The beeping only seemed to grow louder as it beeped faster while I looked around.

Pale blue walls surrounded me where I laid on a bed, all tucked in tight with the white wooly looking blankets. The most disturbing thing to me, other than not having a clue why I'm here, was that I couldn't see my body. I needed to take an inventory of myself, but the stupid blankets were literally tucked up to my chin. I couldn't see anything other than the blankets and all of the little wires and cords that seemed to be coming out from under it.

In my small panic I noticed the blanket shook where my feet should be and I took comfort in the fact that it at least seemed I still had two working legs under there.

I swallowed back, my throat dry throat resisting it at first, then tried to be a little louder.

"Hello?" I barked. "Someone, please!"

The door to my left swings open and a rush of three nurses and one taller woman in a white jacket, I assume the doctor, burst into the room.

"Everything is fine, Miss. Clark, try to stay calm." One woman urges me as they all busy themselves around me, checking monitors, reading off EKG charts, and jotting things down onto clipboards. Someone pulled the blanket back a little and I quickly freed my arms from it'

As much as I want them to, no one shuts off the stupid machine that won't stop beeping, faster and faster. In the background of my panic, I know it's my heartbeat, but the thought barely registered with me.

I felt a cool hand land on mine and I turned to face the doctor as she sat down on the stool beside my bed. "Alright, Miss. Clark, can you tell me where you are? Or the date?"

I fought back the urge to cry, but the answer to her questions only sent a new pain of shrill panic through me. I closed my eyes and thought as hard as I could but I couldn't remember the date and I sure as heck couldn't think of a reason I'd be in the hospital. I'd just been fine.