The Shyland Love Story

Chapter 19: Big Breath

A/n - THIS BOOK HIT 1K READS!! Thank you so much! This was my first ever fanfiction and I'm so grateful!

(TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of cutting, drug overdose and suicide attempt - Read at risk)

•Ryland's POV•

Shane was laying on the cold ground of his house, looking lifeless. At this moment my first reaction was to tell him I was sorry, sorry for leaving him, sorry for hurting him and not believe him, sorry for basically ending his life. But I couldn't, because he's not awake or aware of what I'm saying. Shane was and is a strong person, but he can only handle little things, I got to his heart- when something happened that he didn't even mean- I broke it, big mistake on my part.

It was like just yesterday we had our first date in the Cafe, I was so nervous but excited, I was happy. Everything we had, every little kiss we stole at random times, every moment I'd never want to change a thing for, could all fade away once the doctors say "he's dead." I didn't know for sure if he was gone, I just knew he wasn't okay, and that hurt me.

After I called the ambulance, only bad thoughts went threw my mind as I gently played with Shane's hair, he loved that, it made him fall asleep.

The sounds and lights of the police, the ambulance felt so far away, all I could see was blurriness, I could hear the sound of Shane's laugh, his beautiful voice. I felt hot tears stream down my face - I can't do this without him, there's no way, please live, common for me - I thought.

•••

It took them 4 hours to come and tell me the news about Shane, 4 hours of thoughts, 4 hours of loneliness, 4 hours of crying, 4 hours of my life I can never get back. Shane was in stable condition, he was living... barely. The doctors said he took to many antidepressants, had a few drinks and cut himself 4 times on his wrists, one deep cut in his leg. All I could think about  was that this was my fault, if I never over reacted, he wouldn't be in this situation, he'd be here with me, smiling and having fun, he'd be mine again.

When he woke up I'd be able to see him. I told the doctor I needed I see him now, even if he looked bad, in my eyes he always looked great.

"Oh my god" I said, completely shocked,

"Sh-Shane yo- oh my god I'm so sorry! I know you can't hear me but I'm sorry!" I say, damn I'm stupid,

"I should have been here for you, I should have been more understanding but I was just so worried I'd loose you and- look, I already lost you, you probably hate me for saving you, you probably wanted to die, you probably hated your life because of me, and I'm-I'm sorry" I go on and on, it didn't stop, I started crying, no one could tell me to shut up because no one was there.

"Please, shane please don't leave me, I still need you, common live for me... pleas-" I was crying, I couldn't stop, endless amount of tears creeped from my eyes, wow I can't do this without him. He's my everything and I didn't realize it until now, until he's on the verge of dying, until he's basically lifeless. Damn only god knows how bad I miss this boy.

From the bed Shane laid in came a noise only people who were close to Shane knew, his huge breathes he took when something happened, his "deep sighs" I called it. Wait. He breathed, is he awake? Could he be awake? Is he okay?! I turn my head to see a face,

"Did ya miss me"

A/n - It's Britany bitch