Break the vicious circle.

Part 11 : Why not ?

The pirate, by instinct, reflex, or simply because of the irony, was now in the Rabbit Hole. And he remembered that, as he was dead, he wouldn't be able to drink anything, and thought about leaving. Before seeing Neal, at the bar, alone, with no one around him.

His heart swerved, and he again thought about leaving, right now. And, taken by a new impulsion, he decided to go next to the former Lost Boy. Killian then realized with horror that what they told him was true, for a thing.

When he was close to Neal, he could act on the real, and he felt it when he succeeded to sit on the seat next to his friend. If his presence didn't surprise Neal, by seeing that the pirate was really on a seat, he started.

"Did I already drink too much, or are you really here, on this chair, just next to me ?

- You can see it, mate, I am here, indeed.

- How can you do that ?

- I have no idea.

Liar.

- You're a ghost. Ghosts can't be material, or solid.

- What do you know about that ?

- Until now, I had the experience of it."

They both laughed then, trying to be as discrete as they could. It was difficult, of course, for Neal, in fact, as he already drunk a little. After a time, he was so laughing, that he had to put a hand on his friend's shoulder, in order not to fall. A thing which was insignificant, almost normal.

But them, they had nothing to do with normality.

Hook immediately shivered, and tried not to be troubled by this contact, and tried not to show it to Neal.

"I guess you won't buy me a drink...

It was a joke, as ghosts don't need to drink anything. They can (at least, them, they could), but this is not a primordial need (as nothing is, when you're dead).

But Neal seemed to take it seriously.

- You can finish my glass, if you want.

- Isn't someone going to find it weird ? That a glass gets empty, without someone who holds it.

Neal had a look on the rest of the room, and smiled.

- They are all drunk, I don't think that they will notice anything.

The pirate shrugged, and drunk the rest of the glass down in one. Then, he smiled too.

- Rhum ? He asked, knowing already the answer.

- I guess you contaminated me", Neal said with irony.

He didn't know what was happening, nor what he was doing. He didn't understand himself, nor why he was reacting that way facing Hook. He (in a way) stole his mother from him and tried to kill his father.

He shouldn't have appreciated him, nor even found him sympathetic, nor even attractive.

When he realized what he just thought about, Neal almost choked on as he was drinking. Okay, he wasn't fine, but really not fine.

It should be the alcohol.

Yes, surely, it was the alcohol.

§§§§

They were outside, walking, with no real purpose.

"What were you doing, alone, in this bar ? Except drinking.

- I was thinking about... some things."

I was thinking about you. It's the thing he didn't dare to say.

As he was walking, Killian was looking at him, trying to understand why he was immaterial again when the other man was far from him. He forced himself to do what he stopped himself to do before, thinking about what they told him before.

What if...

What if they were right ?

No, it wasn't possible, it had no sense.

But then, the more he was thinking about it, the more it meant something. And it made him see things in a different way. There, he realized that, if all of it was true, everything he did, he had been wrong to do it.

He was thinking about something particular : Neverland.

Maybe that Emma hadn't been the good target...

Internally, he burst into laugher, a sad and sinister laugh.

Oh, what an idiot he had been, if it was right !

Everything he lived, decided, chose, felt hadn't have any more the same sense, and there, he really burst into laugher.

"What is it so funny ?

- Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

- Well, in that case, why are you laughing ?"

Because I had been an idiot. That I understood nothing about what was happening.

That I believed that Emma was my happy ending, as it may be you.

And he finally understood the subtle allusions (most of the time) of Snow and David, but also his constant need to be next to Neal.

Idiot. Idiot. IDIOT !

Neal wasn't an idiot, he understood that the pirate wasn't fine.

This one stopped laughing, and, if he wasn't crying, he really seemed to be miserable.

A new time, Neal didn't understand himself, but he wasn't interested about it now, he wasn't thinking about the how and the why. He was acting.

And, apparently, his former enemy, and probable friend needed help. Instead of talking, he just put an arm of Killian's shoulder, until this one raised up his head and looked at him.

They both froze, and it was as if time stopped.

(Which was, literally speaking, true.)

After some seconds, they understood that there was something strange and wrong, that is to say that they were close to each other.

Really close.

Too close, and it should have made them move away. But of course, it didn't happen.

(It wouldn't have been interesting then.)

They weren't moving, and maybe that in a romance, they would have been more close and then, they would have kissed.

It didn't happen.

(It would have been too easy.)

But the fact is that, unconsciously, they both thought about it, looking at each other, without moving, until the pirate came back to the reality. And he understood that it had been since a too long time that they were looking at each other that way.

"I... I have to go.

- Yes, me too."

And they both left each other, with a great feeling of regret.