New Lives (A Nathan Gardner Story)

Chapter 25 - What Celia Saw

Author's Note: Quick and dirty, but I wanted to post something and this stupid idea has been in my brain for months!  With this done, I should be able to move things along...

"You sure you want me to just drop you off?" Nathan asked as he pulled out of the school parking lot.

Sydney smiled. "It's a dentist appointment and I don't want you to be late for Wes." She gently rubbed the back of his neck, something she tended to do while he was driving. "I should have just driven myself this morning, but I forgot about it. Susan said she'll stop by and get me after drama club's done."

"Well then, how about I pick up dinner on the way back home?"

"Something squishy?"

Nathan laughed. "Squishy?"

"You haven't had a 'Sydney fact' in a while," she said, embarrassed. "I'm a bleeder at the dentist. It's gross, I know, but it's just that…"

Nathan reached over and caressed her cheek. "No shame in sensitive gums, Syd." He thought for a second. "Takeout from Noodles and Company?" The wide grin on Sydney's face was answer enough. "Okay, then." They pulled up in front of the dentist's office and Sydney leaned over for a kiss.

"Another day closer to your black belt," Sydney said sweetly.

"Few more months." Nathan kissed her at length before pulling back. "Love you."

"Love you too." Sydney got out of the car and Nathan started off to his class.

Smiling as he parked, Nathan thought of how much more satisfying daily tasks and chores had become. He didn't mind them at all anymore and the thought of ordering and picking up dinner actually made him a bit giddy. Life outside of work stopped feeling, well, like work. Everything came easier now and he couldn't have been…

"You proposed to her?"

"This isn't happening," Nathan muttered to himself, every good thing he had been feeling shattering into a thousand pieces.

"And it's on the Internet! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is? I didn't even know about it and…"

"Celia, what the hell are you doing here?" Nathan asked, his voice calm.

"Oh…" She cleared her throat, thinking up her excuse. "Well, you're still taking these dumb ass classes and you made it clear enough that I can't bother your princess anymore and…"

"So you're stalking me?" he scoffed.

Celia ignored his question. "You should have told me."

"What?" He grabbed his bag from the back seat, then slammed the door. "Why the hell would I have done that?"

"So I could be prepared when everyone I know asks me if I knew about it! You're such an asshole, Nathan!" Celia's eyes were watering.

"You're certifiable, you know that? I'm really getting ready to keep you away from Susan altogether!" He ran his hand through his hair. "I told you I was going to marry Sydney. I made that as clear as I could and, oh, what was it? Oh, right! It doesn't have a thing to do with you!"

"You've made me a laughing stock…"

Nathan's face and tone changed immediately. "You really do need help, don't you? You can't take responsibility for your life…your choices…your bad decisions…" He shook his head, forcing himself to cool down. "My proposing to someone doesn't have a single thing to do with you. You are not a factor in…"

"You sang to her." Celia was crying now. "You love her so much more than you ever loved me…"

His tone stayed flat, her tears were no more than an act he knew all too well. "And you never loved me at all, Celia, not really."

"…but I do now." Her voice was so soft Nathan thought he heard incorrectly. "You've made so many changes…you've become the man I always wanted and…"

"You never wanted me to be anything more than your bill paying doormat. Anything that made me happy pissed you off and anything that pissed me off made you happy." He tried desperately to center himself. "I'm running late for class."

"I want you, Nathan!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "I watched you fuck her and I want it! Maybe if you would have been like that with me, we…"

His skin crawled and his stomach turned. As much as he wanted to know how she ever could have seen him with Sydney, he needed to make something very clear. He took a deep breath and turned back to face his ex-wife, disgust imprinted on his face. "Celia, this version of me that I've become, that you think you want so badly, wouldn't exist if I were with you. You do realize this, right? You made me want to end my life, now I only want to embrace it… Whatever you think you want from me, you know that you only want it out of jealousy and loneliness…and you bring all of that on yourself. You are the end all epitome of the word bitch."

"What if I can change?" Tears were spilling down her cheeks.

"You can't, Celia…it's not in your nature."

Her tears turned off instantly. "So you can change for perfect, fucking, Sydney, but I…"

Nathan laughed, the sound acidic. "I didn't change for Sydney. Hell, I didn't even change for Susan. I changed for myself. I changed to prove to myself that I didn't have to stay the pathetic asshole that I was – the person you helped to create!" Something close to a growl left his body. "How many times do I have to have the same conversations with you?"

"Na…"

"I have a feeling I know when you saw us," Nathan interrupted, his voice distant. He smiled. "By the pool that day over the summer when you just happened by…you couldn't stop staring below my waist. Has it been eating away at you? Has it been for you like when I walked in on you and Swearingen?" Celia was silent. "No, I imagine it's not like that for you. I'm not cheating on you and…" His smile grew. "I know how Syd and I look when we're together, it's not the stuff of nightmares by any means…"

"Stop it…"

"Stop what? You brought it up. You obviously like what you saw or you wouldn't be here. Did you see me go down on her? You told me you hated that, so that couldn't have turned you on. Oh! Or was it when I begged her to make me come? You never really let me talk in the bedroom either…"

"Enough, Nathan!"

"Next time you come to our house, hell, if I even see your car come down the street, I'm filing against you, got it? Unless Susan herself calls and asks you to the house I don't want to see the whites of your eyes. We're done here." Nathan went inside the building, leaving Celia behind as it started to flurry.

She took her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Susan. Knowing she'd get put through to voicemail, she planned her message, then left it in the most cheerful voice she could. "Hi, honey. I know that things have been a little strained, but I really want to make it up to you. If you don't have plans already, let me take you to lunch this weekend. I miss you. You don't have to call me back, texting is fine. I love you, Susan."