Girls Who Dreamt of Castles

Chapter Three

"The only reward for virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."
- R Waldo Emerson.

Anna Godwin laid in bed that whole day, evidently sulking. Adira had been right.

Hell, she was always right.

There had never been a time when she had said something that wasn't true. Well, there was this one time when she called a shovel a spade and a spade a shovel but that wasn't the point. The point was that, when it came to her friends, whatever came out from her mouth, no matter how blunt it sounded, it was always right.

She couldn't believe it happened again. The meeting, the sex, the leaving. She had a huge problem, she fell in love with every pretty thing that moved. And when it left, things weren't pretty at all.

It had happened a million times before and all she wanted was for it to end. Her heart didn't feel heavy this time, it felt so light that she had to inhale deeply to feel fill her lungs. Maybe it was because she cried a lot and now she felt if she cried one more time, she'd break. Or maybe it was because she was already used to the feeling. It had become a part of her that she was numb to it.

She had a lot to deal with and she didn't feel like telling anyone about it. She felt her life, as she lived it, was nobody's business.

Every single being came into the world alone, so everything they have and will have is all for them. The pain, the regret. Everyone had to be selfish with it.

Her phone buzzed from underneath her pillow for the umpteenth time. She sniffed and grabbed it. She wasn't surprised by the caller. She wasn't even angry. If anything, she was sad that she had missed her calls. She sighed and answered it.

"Hello."

"What happened, Anna?" Adira asked not hiding her worry. "I've called you like a hundred times. Is something wrong?"

She didn't answer.

A heavy sigh came from the other line. Adira spoke. "Don't tell me it's another heartbreak, Anna. For God's sake."

"Oh Jesus Christ, Adira. Leave it alone. Just stop it," Anna answered with a hard voice. She wasn't in the mood for Adira. She wasn't in the mood for anything.

"So it is another heartbreak."

"I said leave it alone."

"If I leave it, then what? What is wrong with you right now? Do you think I'm happy always hearing you talk like this? Do you think I'll be happy when I see you?"

Anna's heart ached even more. She hated it when her friends knew what was happening in her life. She wished she could take back the memory because it always felt like their relationship was on eggshells. If everyone knew what had happened they would try their best not to hurt her because they knew she was already hurt.

"You know it's not easy being your friend when you're like this. I don't get to be happy all the time either and the worst thing is that you never tell anyone anything."

"I know and I'm sorry," she tried. "I'm just tired of everything, that's just it. I wish you didn't have to worry," she finally said. "I'm just really tired. I want it all to stop."

"What do you want? What are you tired of?"

There was a long pause.

"Anna?"

"Just leave it."

"Anna, talk to me. Please."

Anna closed her eyes. She wished she could tell her friend how tired she was of her life. She was truly drained. She was tired of men wanting her. They never wanted to date or at least pretend to take her or whatever they had serious. They just wanted her.

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong, Adira. I wish I knew," she finally professed, her eyes soggy.

"Well, their loss."

"It's me," she stated.

"What is it?"

No answer.

"Anna? Do you think that maybe the problem could be from you?" Adira asked.

For the first time, it seemed like her friend wasn't by her side. "What is that suppose to mean?" Anna protested.

"I'm just trying to get meaning from what you said, stop being rude," Adira humoured, or tried to. "Maybe you should try leaving sex out on the first date? Get to know each other first, you know?"

"And what would you know about sex and relationships?" came the tart reply.

"Nothing, I don't know anything. But that doesn't mean you can't and shouldn't listen to me. I'm your friend. Just for once Anna, do as I say, it would be highly serviceable to you."

"What's with all the English?" Anna sighed. She was running away from a serious conversation, one that made it look like everything was her fault, because deep inside she knew it was. It would be good for her if she heard something different.

"I'm serious. You're a very beautiful and intelligent woman," Adira replied, ignoring her. "And you're my best friend. You should never, ever let anyone use you, including me. Are we clear?"

"Clear," Anna cooed with a smile. It wasn't for her but her friend.

"Alright, then. I know you're not in the mood but I need you to wear your sexiest dress, we're going out tonight. And by we, I mean the four of us. Girl's night out? And don't say no. You know I don't like that word."

Since she didn't want to say no, Anna felt it reasonable to just keep quiet.

"Okay, at least let me hear a sound."

She groaned.

"Okay?"

She purred this time.

"Okay, pussy cat. It's settled," Adira chuckled. "Meet us at the normal spot by eight or eight-thirty. Take your time."

"Fine. But I don't have anything sexy to wear and I look very ugly from all the crying."

"Then dress like a drug addict, a swagless person or something," her friend's voice died with a soft. "Jesus."

Anna smiled after the call. She placed her phone on her bed and her face in her pillow. She sniffed, sobbed, and cried a little more because Adira was right. She was always right. She was the problem. If she didn't let the men she met get too comfortable too soon, she wouldn't be in the mess she so often found herself in. It was as simple as that but she wasn't in the mood to agree to it. Not just yet.

She needed a little rest, but she was too keyed-up and she didn't have the strength to keep her head high anymore, so she ignored the tottering of her dignity.

She was beyond tired. All she wanted was to lock herself in her room and sob her eyes out, inviting sadness and welcoming the cold hands of darkness.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

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