The Color of Music

Truth.

(Sonata's pov)

What have I done.

There's a half dead man on the floor. Alex, the strongest person I know. Is bawling his eyes out in my arms. Rue is completely frozen staring at his father's body. And it's all because of me. Because I'm here.

What have I done.

There's a giant lump in my throat. But I refuse to cry. I don't deserve to. Alex does. He's been holding in tears for a long time I can tell. I just hold him. He needs to be held by someone. I don't know much about his past. I know him and his sister were abused by a drunken father. But no one told me where she was. By the look of pain and the pretence words, I think she's dead. Her name is Lexi. That's all they told me.

I felt such agony watching Alex break down. Alex is such a great person. If a had a brother he'd be exactly like him. Protective and reserved yet a silly jokester. He knows how to cheer me up and can somehow always tell how I'm feeling. On day I'll have to thank him.

I somehow get the feeling all the tears he shed weren't for himself. Like he was crying for someone else. I knew who ever it was, he loved dearly. Slowly the sobs turned to whimpers. It had been about an hour since he started. His head was on my lap while his arms clung to me like if he loosens even for a second I'd disappear. I pet his hair soothingly. His dark brown curls intertwine with my pale fingers. I'd stay like this for as long as I needed. As long as he needed.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered. Not trusting my voice to say it fully. Alex looked up to me with red puffy eyes. Now laced with remaining tears and confusion.

"Huh?" He croaked. He then coughed a little.

"This is all my fault. Everything. You guys were happy before I came along. I mess everything up. It's my job. I'm scum Alex. Filthy." I rant tears streaming down my face. Alex looked hurt and shocked. He grabbed my chin in his hands, making me look at him.

"I don't want to ever hear you talk that way about yourself ever again." He halfway growled.

"All of this. Are things that we were holding in. All things that should've been done a long time ago. We all needed to deal with our shit instead of pretending it doesn't effect us. The bad boy act isn't fooling ourselves. You got me to cry Nota. I don't think you understand how crazy that is. I haven't cried in 5 years Sonata. 5 whole years. And Rue's dad. He's had that coming for much longer. And you got Helen to sing earlier today. I mean. She opened up her entire past the second she met you. It's because your so easy to be comfortable around. You don't judge people. It's because your so pure."

He words were ment to help. But each of his compliments cut like knifes. He called me pure. Pure! Ha! He doesn't even know. I'm dirty. That's not going to change.

"Pure. Y-you think I'm pure. I'm not perfect Alex. I'm a liar. I told you that my story ended at me dad. I lied. The truth is I've been being abused since I was ten! By a sick man. A man who told me he loved me. But I didn't love him the way he loved me. His love felt icky. And his touches. H-his t-touches felt. It f-felt-" I couldn't finish before I burst into tears. I covered my mouth to hold a sob. Alex looked shocked and more tears rolled down his face. He kept shaking his head. Like he was realizing what had happened.

"No Nota please. Tell me you weren't- p-please say you weren't." He begged. I just kept sobbing which was answer enough. He hugged me. Tight. It hurt like hell but I for some reason didn't care.

"Your not dirty Nota. I'm so sorry. I wish I could have met you earlier. I could have protected you. Your perfect. Absolutely perfect." He cooed. My heart melted. I cried more. We were hugging so tight. I don't know when this happened. When we became this close. I've always wanted a brother. And I can tell he's wanted a sister for a long time.

"It was my v-violin teacher. From ten to twelve. And after my mom died I had to deal with both if there abuse. Every time I play I see him. I feel him there. That's why I can't play. I haven't played without an anxiety attack in 4 years. The Formal is coming up. I have no idea what I'll do." I hastily explained, trying to get all my secrets out. Alex just looked at me and nodded.

"I'll help you. We'll help you." He said sternly. He then stood up. Pulling me with him. We both understandably looked a hot mess after crying for an hour. To the far left of the room. Was Rue. I hadn't realized his watched to whole event. My heart hammered against me chest. Did he hear about my past? Does he hate me now? I looked in his eyes trying to find some trace of disgust. If he hate me I don't know what I'd do.

He rose from his seat and approached us. Fear pulsed threw my veins erratically. My palms were sweaty. I braised myself for him telling my to leave. He speed walked up to me. I closed my eyes waiting for the outcome.
Then he asked a question.

"Can I kiss you?"

My head, it spun and swirled and his voice sounded muffled, like I didn't understand it.
"Please—" he mumbled pressing his forehead against mine. "Please just–tell me I'm not crazy. I won't unless you want me too. But please say yes."

"Yes."

I felt something that shocked me, it shouldn't have, we both knew but still it shocked me. A warmth spread across my lips. His hand was on the small of my back. I moved my lips back just to make absolute sure this was actually happening. It was.

Rue Thornahey was kissing me.