The Color of Music

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(Sonata's pov)

It's been a week.

An entire week since my kiss with Rueben.
And my God was it was a kiss. I mean, I've never kissed anyone consensually but I'm positive if I ever kissed anyone other than him it wouldn't feel that good. It's been a little awkward between us, since people usually spend years dating each other before popping out the L word. But to me, we just have this itch to kiss again. We haven't been able to since everyone's busy practicing for the Formal. I mean the house has been nonstop filled with music every second of every hour of the day. I can't help but feel a little jealousy.

I know Alex promised he'd help me. But I don't think he'll have time. I've barely seen any of the boys other than Rue in days. And if I didn't live in this house, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't see him either. I haven't had a nightmare since I've been here which is unheard of. But I still need to speak to Rue's mom about that thing we were whispering about the other day.

When she asked me to go dress shopping I wanted to. I really did. But my mother, she had this red dress, she wore it all the time, to every event and show. It, like her hair, was her signature. I really wanted to wear it to the Formal. Mainly because it'll piss my dad off. Also because well I'm trying to forgive her. Truly for what she did. A part of me still hates her. A part of her has a special room just for that woman so I can spit on her grave.

She just did so much.

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to fit her dress. I'm quite small. And even if I do I'll probably look bad, my mother was beautiful, I'm not.

I packed the dress with my things when I got clothes from my house. My father hadn't changed a single thing in their room since she died. Her perfumes still sits on the dresser her makeup spread across the mahogany. Her closet still filled with outfits. When I entered I felt bad for not being able to mourn her death. There was nothing to be sad about. She never showed me any affection, there was nothing to miss. And the fact my father was abusing her too has me dumbfounded. They were so happy. He was never angry, not with her by his side. I don't understand how he could ever lay a hand on someone he spent so much time mourning. It makes no sense.

I smiled sadly to myself. Closing my eyes as I listen to Rue's playing. He doesn't know, but I've made a habit of watching him play. He hates being watched, says it throws him off. But that's a lie since he played for me the other day. Apparently that's different because he wasn't practicing it was a performance but I still call total bull.

I sit in the corner of the room. Masked by shadows so he wouldn't see me. He always smiled when he played. A smile he only used for that intricate instrument. I don't think I could ever play the piano. The piano demands too much respect. It radiates a type of dominance, power leaked from the keys. I'm not brave enough. Rueben is though, he's so powerful. Pounding on the keys like there gonna disappear if he doesn't press hard. But then lightly gliding as if a hard press could hurt it. He was very impartial to Beethoven. I'm more of a Bach person myself.

While watching I feel something I haven't felt in years. Something I thought I'd never feel again.

My hands twitched.

A burning longing ached through my fingers. Like a fire begging to be extinguished. They longed to stretch across steel strings. Yearning for the chalk on my fingers. Praying for my bow to be dragged across the horizon of sound. I haven't felt that since I was 10. Being around so much music I couldn't help it. And my name literally means violin accompanied by a piano. I can't help it.

"Rueben." I call. I don't know why, the words just left me lips. His music comes to an abrupt stop. I want to play. My head chanted. My fingers gripped the side of my shirt. I want to play. His head snaps towards me eyes wide. I get up off the floor and walk towards him.