venus || ashton irwin

letter one.

january 15, 2013

9:34 pm

dear ashton,

i personally don't know why i am writing these because i would never let you see them and i am not usually the one to write letters to people but i guess i needed some way to tell you things i could never let you hear.

i remember when we first met. i was thirteen and you were thirteen and a half and it was really late at night and we were both at green river park and I was swinging on the swing set reading my book when you came up to me and asked me what i was reading and i old you too piss off but you wouldn't and you kept asking me the same question until i finally got up and threw the book at you and said "mobydick you asshole".

we've been friends since.

now im seventeen and you're seventeen and a half and we still go meet up at the park at night a lot because you say it's nice to talk to someone when the stars are out because it makes everything they say seem more beautiful and i just go along with it because you say so.

im getting off track. sorry, you know i tend to do that sometimes.

anyways, i am mostly writing these because i am afraid to tell you something. i just have no idea how you would react. you wouldn't cry or anything because you wouldn't want to come off as weak but you'd be mad and storm off and then come back the next day to apologize about how much of an as whole you were about it and id forgive you even though i wasn't mad in the first place.

so i might as well tell you the main reason im writing these letters.

i was diagnosed with cancer, and im not sure how long i have and i just wanted to somehow tell you the things i could never say.

i found out yesterday when i went to the doctor because I wasnt feeling well. next thing i knew the doctor was telling me that i had lymphoma, which is a bone cancer. he said for me not to worry yet because it wasnt that big right now and the survival rate for kids my age is high.

but he said not to worry yet, ashton. and that makes me worry.

i didnt plan on telling you but writing this letter makes me realize that i cant hide it. i plan on inviting you to the park tomorrow night and breaking the news. im scared. really scared.

im scared about having cancer and treating cancer and dealing with cancer and getting looks from kids who dont have cancer and telling you i have cancer.

but i am terrified of dying.

i dont want to die, not just yet. there are so many things I havent done.

i always wanted to fall in love before i died.

dont you want to fall in love too? i think it sounds great.

forever,

venus

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im actually really excited for this because maybe I will have fun writing it

anyways I hope you liked it because I didnt