venus || ashton irwin

letter five.

january 25, 2013

3:55 pm

dear ashton,

i had my first session of chemotherapy today. i puked three times. it's terrible, ashton. terrible. 

i never knew how depressing hospitals are until today. you see all these people wondering the halls as if their searching for a will to live. and you have to walk through the elderly department to get to chemo and i don't think anything is sadder than looking at an elderly person and knowing they don't want to be here. 

once you get to chemo the nurses make you sit in the recliner as they stick these things into your veins (which wasn't fun, the nurse was rather handsy) and then you sit there for forty five minutes, doing nothing. they didn't even give me a magazine to look at. all i did was stare at the ceiling or count the freckles on my arms. yeah, i got that bored. i made a mental note to bring something to read next time.

i got out of there at about noon and headed straight to home. all i wanted to do was sleep. but i couldn't sleep. so i invited you over. it's a saturday so we didn't have school. we sat in my living room and watched television until you left at two thirty. 

you looked like you hadn't slept in days. your hair was a mess, but it was kinda cute. you never once asked how chemotherapy was and i was glad you didn't because i really didn't want to talk about it. i think you knew that, too.

before you left you did the same thing you did to me the other night at the swing sets. you kissed my cheek.

i wish you would stop that, because it's not helping me trying to to fall in love with you.

but every minute we spent together today was like a distraction to everything around me. 

ashton, i may be falling in love with you

but please, don't fall in love with me.

forever,

venus

 -

the picture on the right is what i picture venus as. >>