Haven • H.S.

14. I Adore You

Haven- 14

"...you said don't lie so i made the truth. seemed like a lie to even you..."

Harry.

        The amount of times I've called myself a dumb-ass inside my head the past 84 hours and 20 minutes was pathetic, if I was being nice.

        A dumb-ass for ever thinking I could actually win Ella over without any bumps in the road. A dumb-ass for not demanding she opened her door that unceremonious night, and pleading we'd talk. A dumb-ass for believing that maybe, in some ways, she could be that light at the end of the tunnel. What ever the hell that's supposed to mean. I read it in a magazine somewhere.

        For a brief moment in time I was able to think that she was, though. That she was going to be this magical gift in my life to pull me out of my doldrums, so to speak. And she had. She had, and that's why I've been trying really hard not to think about there being a point that I'll see her again somewhere on campus. In my brain, she'll be happy, she'll be laughing and having a good time with whoever she's with and wherever she's at. But it won't be because of me. I won't be the cause of those smiles and laughs anymore, because I can't continue to just ask for the world. I was lucky enough to acquire it for a couple short weeks, and maybe, in some ways, she was my life lesson. Maybe this world had it out for Ella to be my short-lived bliss. My little slice of a happy ending.

        I shouldn't be mad about it, though, because I'll never be able to envy whatever or whoever out there that had given me Ella for those limited days.

        Maybe I wasn't meant to hold her for longer than I had. Maybe she was meant to be gone.

        That's what I was trying to tell myself anyways, when during the night I couldn't sleep and during the day I didn't have anything better to do.

        Kane caught on pretty quickly that I was in no mood for talking the first 2 days. He'd tried to get through to me, I'll give him that.

        I liked sleeping, though, when I could. When I could actually escape my thoughts for a few hours, I was always thankful. It didn't come easy. Then again, I didn't really expect it to considering Ella wasn't next to me.

        It said 12:04, on the clock that fourth day, by the time I had woken up. I really wished I hadn't woken though, because that meant I wouldn't be able to doze off again. It was an odd flaw of mine.

        Kane was making something in the small kitchen--or so I figured by the smell of things-- when I finally found it in me to sit up. I ran a hand through my hair, then realized I probably needed a shower. A few minutes later of me just staring into space, thinking of nothing in particular, a knock on my door sounded. Kane walked in before I told him he could, which was something he had a problem with, and handed me a plate with his latest concoction on it. It showed signs of being a grilled cheese sandwich.

        "You gotta eat something, man. Don't complain. I'm not a world renowned chef or some shit," Kane said. I looked between the sandwich and him for a few seconds.

        "Thanks."

        His jaw clenched. "Yeah."

        When I thought he was just going to leave me to eat, he spoke again. "You gonna, like, ever get back to civilization or...?"

        I let out a large sigh, unamused. "Kane, I appreciate the food, really. But leave. Please."

        He lifted his hands in front of him. "Don't have to be pissy, bro."