Haven • H.S.

33. Empty

Haven- 33

"...what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? what am i supposed to say when i'm all choked up and you're okay... i'm falling to pieces. i'm falling to pieces..."

Ella.

I was numb as the pen glided across the paper. I didn't want to have to write the note that separated me from having a real conversation and a real explanation with Harry for my disappearance. I wished I could knock on his door as much as I wished for the ground to swallow me whole so I didn't have to talk. I didn't feel much like talking.

The anger had been replaced by grief, and the grief was being covered in a blanket of worry. I didn't know which way was up and I didn't know which emotion I was more comfortable with settling in with.

My uncle-- one of the last living members of my family-- was in a situation that terrified me as well as left me biting my nails. (Maybe I thought the habit would relieve my nerves). But I'd been wrong. In a situation that brought back too many painful haunting's, I was bound to go haywire like this. And if my uncle's condition wasn't enough, I'd lost a friend to a misunderstanding and lost a boyfriend to the same all in one day.

Just when life was letting me breath, reality suffocated me again.

And I'd been wrong about thinking I could sleep away my problems. Because, now, it was the next day and I'd woken in the same condition I'd fallen asleep in.

Family emergency. Call if you need anything, is what the black ink said on the paper when I was done mulling over the correct words. There would be no correct words, I realized. Nothing written could showcase my true feelings. Even then, would someone even care enough to find the note; to look for it? I didn't have time to wait and see, and maybe that was what I hated most.

It was eight in the morning by the time I'd finished over stuffing my duffle back with too many shirts and sweating over too many possible ways my plan could go wrong. It was fool proof, and I still had my doubts. I would leave Abby to her deep sleep and sneak out the door, down the stairs and make it to my car for the four hour drive. What was so hard about that? Nothing.

I positioned my bag over my shoulder, grabbed my phone and tip-toed to the door. This was it. I wouldn't see the white walls of this room for at least another week. I didn't know how long Aunt Kate expected me to stay with her, but I knew how long I needed to stay. And a measly day wouldn't be enough to forget about Harry.

The door opened silently. My steps were silent, and the small click that normally acquainted the door closing was silent, too. I made it a few steps before the material under my shoe didn't feel like carpet anymore and the hallway filled with an audible crack. Or even, crack-crack-crack.

I gasped, whirling around. Had he been here all night?

With a start, the man I loved woke, clutching his hand to his chest. For a few moments, his eyes remained blurry and uncomprehending. It was until he followed the sight of my legs before him to my features that he sat quickly and coughed into his tethered fists. His eyes widened. "Ella."

I couldn't cognize the situation in front of me. "Are you okay?" I dared to ask. I glanced at his red fingers and winced.

"No," he croaked, fidgeting on the carpet.

I kneeled, gripping the strap of my bag, but remained careful to stay a few feet away from him. Was this what my conscious was telling me when it warned every instinct that my plan wouldn't run smoothly? "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't..."

"Don't," he breathed, finding the strength to sit up further. I had the urge to help him, but I forced my hands to stay close to my body. "Don't you dare apologize, Ella."