One shots (johnlock fluff mostly)

Dear John

Dear John,

I figure your reading this now so I'm here to explain, leading up from last nights wild escapades.

I think the first thing I notice is how cold it is, the first thing when I wake up is the iciness in my skin and how I can't feel my fingers. Give me a mirror and my lips are probably blue to match my eyes and the dreaded orange blanket makes me look more pale than I would care to admit.

The second thing I notice is the warmth that surrounds me, despite the cold air bag I can feel on my face and hands and feet, there is something strong and warm around my torso that warms me from the inside out.

The third thing I notice is that I have hyperthermia and that someone out there is going to call me an idiot for my actions but they were every piece as important as my actions would be with anything else.

The fourth thing I notice is that I can feel eyes in the back of my head staring at me, I can sense the concern that radiates form that person and the fear that they had finally ebbing.

The fifth thing I notice is that it is you John, always you, and your the one holding me so tightly.

Yes, I jumped off Westminster bridge but it was important, if I hadn't the bullet that was being aimed at you would have killed you but me jumping out of the way but in the way so that the gunman would get distracted and the bullet would miss you by less than a meter was necessary. Every action I do is necessary, maybe not how everyone else would do it but my brain catalogued the outcome and that was the first possible scenario I was able to create in which we both missed the bullet.

And even if it had nicked me, your extensive medical knowledge, especially when under pressure would have been able to save me, unlike my own that when it comes to you, I panic, I throw caution to the wind and even if it wasn't severe I wouldn't be able to save you because I would already be dying from the pain you were in.

And I know I'm not saying it out aloud, writing it as I am when your at work, and I'll be in close contact if you need me, but I doubt you'll want to see me after this, but if you do, there's a number on the reverse. My number.

The sixth thing I noticed was that you were crying and then I came to the conclusion that in my flurry of panic I hadn't remembered to catch my breath or even attempt to swim, I had swallowed too many litres of Thames water and I had stopped breathing but you had given me CPR and here I am, alive and breathing but indeed I am really cold but I figure you will sort that if I allow you later.

The seventh thing was that to make me breathe again you gave me your own breath and I know it's not really a kiss but it's still the first one I've ever had. I'm saddened that I don't remember it.

The eight thing I noticed was that after so many years and so many denials (mostly on your part) I realised the truth. What's been the truth for too many years and has never been a lie, it wasn't that they saw the traits in you, no, it's that they saw them in me. You may not have guessed but then maybe you have and want to let me down gently but I believe I'm in love with you John Watson and have been for some time, I don't know when this happened or entirely how but I feel the answer to why is an easy one because despite you seeming so extraordinarily ordinary, you are in fact an enigma that to this day I still don't know what you are thinking or even what you plan to do next and your opinion of me has always mattered when no one else's had.

I remember that talk we had, and you were so understanding. The fact that I have no social filter and it's 'a bit not good' and you fill me in on that whenever I make the mistake and I thankyou for that.