Teach Me

The Three Gay Musketeers Part II

a/n: correction, THIS is my favourite chapter,,, also 12k?? you guys are mental i can't

"SHE DID WHAT?!" Gabriel shrieked, hands twisted into his shaggy brown hair.
"Gabe-" Castiel tried to interject. For the past half an hour he'd been sitting in what had previously been his dorm room with Sam and Gabriel, trying to explain to the shorter man why he was cleaning out all of his stuff.
"I'LL KILL HER! I'LL RIP HER LIMB FROM LIMB!!" Gabriel was almost screaming now, he was livid.
"The noise complaints," Sam warned, voice raised just a little above the normal volume. He already had heard about everything from Dean.
"FUCK the noise complaints! What dorm does CHARLIE FRIGGEN BRADBURY live in?? I'll wring her skinny neck!!" Gabriel was hopping up and down in a fury like he had firecrackers down his pants.
"Calm down Gabe!" Castiel insisted.
"I told you lesbians were dangerous! I told you!" Gabriel replied even more insistently.
Castiel rolled his eyes and sighed, he folded his arms. It was pointless trying to get his former roommate to calm down. Both him and Sam had been trying ever since Cas had explained that Charlie was the one who'd handed in the evidence, that was over ten minutes ago.
"Would you cool it!" Sam suddenly snapped. "We can't do anything about it now!"
"Oh yes we can! We'll take those scumbags to court! We'll report their homophobic asses! We'll send out a well thought out tweet and get the twitterverse on our side! We'll-"
"Enough!" Sam boomed. "There's not going to be any of that, now would you PLEASE calm down!"
Gabriel took a breath and sat down heavily on his bed. He pinched the bridge of his nose and in a rare, out of character moment, he showed a side of himself that wasn't a jokester. He looked genuinely sad and stressed out in that moment, and it made Cas's chest hurt.
"Hey," he said softly, sitting down beside his friend and putting a comforting arm around his back. "It's okay, I'm okay, everyone's going to be fine."
Gabriel tilted his head and looked up at him, every guard he had completely let down. He just looked so totally and completely SAD. Castiel felt tears well in his eyes, Gabriel was a constant, always cheerful, always cracking jokes even in the worst of times and the fact that he was so upset now just went to show how bad the whole situation really was. It hit Cas then, in a very realistic and precise way.
"I'm going to miss sharing a dorm with you Cassie," Gabriel smiled but it did not really reach his eyes. The silence in the room became deafening as the three friends contemplated everything that had happened. It was so sad, almost heartbreaking. He glanced around, all his possessions were in boxes and suitcases again, just like his first day. Surely Cas would see his friends again, no matter what happened, but it would never be quite the same again.
"How about we all go to the Starlite Diner tonight, it'll be like The Three Gay Musketeers part two," Sam broke the silence and the mood was visibly lightened by his words.
"Just us?" Gabriel asked hopefully.
"Just us," Castiel affirmed, smiling at the closest friends he'd ever had.

***

"Hey looook I'm Mifster Toomas, I'm a homophobic prick! " Gabriel said in a goofy voice, his lip pulled back to reveal his front teeth. There were two french fries stuck up his nose.
"Stop it you're killing me!" Castiel wheezed, both him and Sam were slumped over in the booth holding their sides. Gabriel had been carrying on this way for quite some time.
Gabe took the french fries out of his nose quite seriously, and flung them over his shoulder - doing his best to look nonchalant - across the top of the booth without looking. There were a few sounds of annoyance and some grumbled swear-words from another table and this only made the two laugh louder.
Gabriel pretended to flip his hair before speaking in a high valley-girl voice. "Ohh my god, I'm Jennifer! And uh I'm just soo offended that Dean wouldn't let me ride his dick anymore!"
There was silence, Sam and Cas exchanged glances across the table before bursting out laughing again.
"Like I totally heard once that guys like bad girls and I just took it wayyyy to seriously." A beat, Gabriel put on a fake pout. "But don't blame me! I've just been bitchy lately because Daddy cut me off after I smashed up his Mercedes Benz while drunk! Don't laugh! I haven't been able to afford a bikini wax for weeks and I've had to use a razor, boy is THAT chafing!" Gabe was almost cracking himself up at this point.
"Stop!" Sam gasped desperately.
But Gabe wasn't stopping, he was on a roll and said seriously: "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a guy to eat you out when you've got bright razor burn right on your -"
"Excuse me!" suddenly said a petite waitress who'd practically appeared at their table. She had bright red hair in pigtails and looked a bit nervous. "We've had several noise complaints from our patrons and I'm afraid if you don't quiet down we're going to have to ask you to leave."
The three exchanged looks. "Always with the noise complaints!" Sam said under his breath.
"But I'm gay," Gabe protested, his voice back to normal.
The waitress furrowed her brow, "I don't see how that has anything to do with-"
"As a matter of fact we're all gay!" Gabriel said loudly, several heads turned to look at them.
"Sir please," the waitress whispered.
"Yeah okay," Sam butted in, "we'll be quiet."
"Thank you," she said, spinning a long red pigtail around her finger.
"Now why don't you run along and go wait a table or something Pippi Longstockings." Gabriel sneered.
Castiel covered his mouth. Gabriel was out of control! The waitress flushed bright red and and scurried away.
"That was kind of rude!" Castiel objected with the traces of a smile on his face.
Gabriel simply waved a hand in the air dismissively as he took a sip of his water. "Anyway, Jennifer is a straight up bitch."
Castiel rolled his eyes, "Oh I know it."
"Like what kind of cunt tries to ruin someone else's happiness just because they didn't get what they wanted? Daddy must've not given her enough hugs or something."
"Yeah I know, she definitely seems like a disgusting human being," Sam piped up.
"You're not wrong," Castiel replied as he rested his chin on his hand. "I just can't believe her, it's one thing to be salty about their 'break up' or whatever the fuck but it's a completely different matter to set out on a revenge mission!"
"She's definitely from the seventh circle of hell that's for sure," Gabe nodded.
"Fuck!" Cas exclaimed, suddenly seized by a rush of anger. "What a privileged little white bitch! Man I'd like to smack the shit out of her."
"You might get to," Gabriel said calmly.
"What?" Castiel and Sam asked in unison.
"Because I think that's her, and I'm pretty sure she heard everything."
"What?!" Both of them swivelled their heads sharply around and there she was, coming towards them.

Jennifer strutted over, her high heels clicking on the black and white tiled floor. She looked overdone and gorgeous as always, all curves and long pale legs. Her long blonde hair swayed innocently but she had the devil in her eyes as she came to a stop in front of the table.
"Jennifer!" Gabriel greeted warmly and smiled sarcastically. He kept the same over-friendly tone as he continued, "How sad! I was hoping never to meet you!"
Castiel locked eyes with Sam, both their eyes wide. This was going to be interesting.
"Who the fuck are YOU," she snarled.
"Oh nobody, just your worst nightmare sweetheart," Gabriel grinned like the sassy gay he was.
Jennifer shot him a death glare that could kill a horse on the spot, she then raked her eyes over the rest of them with the same look. Cas almost shivered but didn't know what to say.
"I heard you faggots talking about me," she hissed.
"Ah there it is! Your favourite word! By the way did you like what you heard?"
She narrowed her blue eyes. "You have no right to say those things about me."
"Is that so? Well sorry hun but I frankly couldn't give a flying fuck. You lost any privileges you had when you decided to fuck around with my friend."
"Which one? Is Dean your friend because I certainly fucked around with him," she smiled smugly and looked at Castiel. He felt his blood boil.
"Hm, well I sincerely hope he's been to the doctor since then and got himself checked," Gabriel answered without missing a beat.
"What are you insinuating?" she spat.
"Only that you're like the village bicycle, everyone's had a ride," he said innocently.
"Oh! How dare you!" she said, actually offended this time.
"Everything I said, I meant," Gabe continued, "You're a first rate cunt and if karma doesn't catch up with you first I hope you go to hell."
"You can't say those things to me!" She shrieked, losing her cool.
Castiel and Sam stared at the scene in awe, it was like her inner spoiled brat was coming out.
"I demand an apology or I'll be having a word with my lawyers!"
Gabriel gave her a look of supreme incredulity, "You gonna come up with a case all yourself?"
"As a matter of fact I will!" she snorted.
Gabriel shook his head in a sort of mock-tragic way. "Honey, you couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the side."
Both Sam and Cas laughed quietly behind their hands, but he noticed that a few buff dudes in cooking attire were coming towards their table. "Guys!" he warned.
"Oh!" Jennifer cried angrily. "You disgusting little man!"
The buff guys arrived at their table, and one who looked like a cook, spoke up. "I'm going to have to ask you three to leave this establishment."
"FUCK YOU!" Gabe screamed at no one in particular, but Sam was pulling him up out of the booth and trying to apologize to the staff as he held him back and started towards the door. Castiel followed them but Gabriel was all riled up and was still shouting.
"YOU'RE A CUNT JENNIFER! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR PRIVILEGE YOU DADDY'S GIRL LITTLE WHITE BITCH! FUCK YOU JENNIFER!"
Castiel looked back as they went out the door, he heard the manager yelling something about being banned from the premises, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to care. He hadn't been this happy or had such a good time with friends in well - ever.
"THE THREE MUSKETEERS BITCH!" Gabe shrieked once they were out on the street. "BE HAPPY YOU MET US! WE'RE LEGENDS!"