The Perfect Balance

Chapter Fifteen

"You're back!" Diana says when she sees me waiting for her at her locker bright and early Tuesday morning.

"Yeah," I reply with a small nod. I told my mom I had to get to school early to talk to some teachers so she personally dropped me off fifteen minutes earlier. In reality I just wanted to avoid the awkward run in with Diego I may have if I arrive with my brothers.

"Happy to have you back," she tells me with a smile.

"Yeah, I can't miss any more days. I have too much work to do," I respond.

"How are you feeling?" she asks as she fiddles with her locker. She opens it and digs around for a few seconds.

"Better," I answer, not quite sure if I'm telling the truth.

"What's the plan if you see him?" she asks and I shrug, unsure of what to say. In my mind, I imagine myself beckoning him to somewhere where we can be alone but realistically I'll probably turn and walk in the other direction.

"I don't know," I reply.

"Are you good for first period?" she asks and I shrug. I stayed up all night last night contemplating what I'm going to say to him. I considered the 'act like nothing happened' option but realized that it'd be damaging to both of us in the long run. I should just confront it head on.

"I guess," I reply. "By the way, did you look for my key?" I haven't been able to find my key since this weekend and I really pray I didn't lose it at that house party. I've been holding on to the idea that it was somewhere in the crevices of Diana's couch.

"Yeah, I searched the basement and I couldn't find it," she replies. I sigh loudly. Now I have to make up a lie to tell my parents about why I need a new key.

The bell rings and I tell Diana I'll see her later before trudging to my first period class. I arrive on time and make my way to my seat, which is directly behind Diego's empty seat. I tap my foot impatiently as I wait for him to enter, wondering if he's going to even bother showing up. Ten minutes into class, the door opens and he appears with a coffee. He walks in my direction and I feel my heart skip a beat. I turn my attention down to the papers on my desk and wait for him to sit down. He stutters in his walk before he finally takes a seat. 

I think of ways to talk to him without exactly talking to him. Should I write him a note? Send him a text? I need to just go up to him and talk. I barely pay attention to class and instead, stare at the back of Diego's head. I silently prepare myself to tell him that we need to talk. Long before the bell rings, I'm packed up and ready to speak. As soon as everyone starts getting up to go, I take a brave step forward and touch Diego's arm before I can convince myself not to. He turns around and looks at me with a face full of relief.

"We need to talk," I tell him. The relief is short lived because his face sinks.

"I know," he replies. "Now?"

"No, we have class," I respond. "Last period- study hall."

"Where?" he asks and I try to think of a place where we could be alone. "I'll get Sage's car keys and we can sit in there or something."

"Okay." I swallow heavily before turning and rushing out of class.

As each period drags on, I begin dreading our planned meeting more and more. It's like the opposite of a date. I don't even know if I want to hear what happened in that bathroom with Elena and Diego and I'm terrified to tell him about what I did. I'm grateful when lunch comes around because I'm capable of voicing these fears to Diana, who sits eagerly with open ears. Diego and friends sit a few tables away and I feel his eyes on me but I try to be as comfortable as possible.