Lover

The Desk

Bella:

I had come accustomed to the fact that no one would ever love me. Or just that simplicity of someone not being able to look at me romantically. It was something I didn't really like to talk about, something that had me crying at three a.m. in a depth of my own despair. It was something that everyone knew, everyone knew that no one would love me - that loving me was something sinful. It's not fashionable to love me - and those nights with my sister confirmed how disgusting I was.

I knew I was going to hell for what I had done, for what I was going right now. But I knew it was well deserved. I reached in with that pale hand, the arm long and slim and smudged with dirt, marred with long scars. I reached for that tendril of light, it was a soft glow in the darkness. I reached and I reached and I reached but it only cowered away. That glow only flinched from my powers touch. The glow was tugging on my heart, sinking it deeper, seeping into my bones.

The glow stalled well away from my heart. Which was a glittering gold in the abyss of darkness. But it wasn't golden enough, it didn't shine. The glow gave a sharp tug on the glittering organ before winking out with a promise to be back soon.

I straddled Azriel's legs, sitting in his lap. I held his face in my hands as I kissed his lips, as the warm glide of his tongue slid into my mouth. I moaned and squeezed my eyes shut. I knew part of that glow was from the promise he made me acquire a few moments ago. But I also knew that flare of light was something else, something deeper.

Something so deep that I couldn't fathom even touching it. Something that scared the living fuck out of me. I had no idea why Azriel liked me, I had no idea why he found me interesting. But what scared me the most was that I would grow so comfortable with him that I would tell him about those nights. And he would be so disgusted he would leave me. And I would be destroyed. Or worse, I would fall out of love. I would grow bored or sick of him.

That scared me the most. In my past friendships, I usually ended up getting bored of them or sick of seeing them every five seconds. And I knew they loved me unconditionally, which made it worse. I hated that I grew bored of the same people, I hated that sometimes I detached myself just to be alone. I hated that I loved Sylas so much that I hoped that he was happy in Jotunheim just so I could have a fresh new start with new people. But I also wanted him back, because I missed him like hell.

And I was so fucking selfish for that. So selfish that I held onto Azriel tighter, hoping I would never get sick of seeing him every day. Deep down I knew I wouldn't l, that glow was telling me I couldn't.

But right now it was an unending want and I was doubting myself. I wasn't sure I would be able to stop wanting everything about him. I grabbed his hand that was on my hip and lifted it to my full breast, where I urged him to squeeze harder. Azriel growled into my mouth and did just that.

I moaned at the feel of his hand on my breast, but I knew his scarred hand would feel even better on my bare breast, not just through my shirt and bra. I wanted to feel his calluses on my nipples, I wanted to feel his mouth sucking on the tight peaks.

"Fuck." he gasped and gripped my breast harder as he kissed down my neck, I tipped my head back to give him better access, driving a hand into his silken hair while the other broke his tunic from the top of his pants. I fisted my hand in his hair as I dug my nails into the skin of his hip.

He snarled and muttered things so dirty I flushed scarlet and almost begged him to do just what he was saying. He dragged his tongue and teeth down the column of my throat and I was gasping. I was pooling at my core and all I could do was grind against his hard member, which was pushing right where I needed it against my jeans. Azriel moaned and it was music to my ears.