Lover

And So It Goes . . .

Azriel:

I hadn't been myself, I knew that. I had hardly talked to anyone in the month that Bella had been gone - it was going on two months now. I would sit during breakfast and lunch, not saying a word, just staring into space.

I usually skipped dinner.

Then I would go onto the roof and sit on one of the chairs, questioning everything. Why? Why did Sylas have to die? Was Beron really that much of a bastard that he banished someones mate from Prythian.

Even though they didn't know about Velaris, I knew he was keeping tabs on her mortal life and family. I knew he was making surr she was there. I think he hopee she wasn't so it gave him an excuse to kill innocents.

My depressed manner had gotten so bad that Rhys started sending me out on strange quests, making up a random excuse for me to go. I knew it was so I could get outside, so I didn't lock myself up.

That was what he did when Feyre was at the Spring Court. But he got her back, Bella wasn't coming back. Aa long as Beron held an execution over us, she wouldn't.

Because our lives meant the world to her. I knew her too well. But what rattled me the most was what Sylas had confessed, and I had realized I hardly knew anything about their friendship. And just from his words, it was so strong that it created a bond.

I had instantly lurched to the library after getting back from The Night Court. I had searched and searched for hours in books about immortality. And I finally found why he was crying gold. It was because they became bound.

That only made it hurt worse, because he had become more to her - and now she could never see him again.

I had sat in the dim library, surrounded in books. I sat in silence, and finally allowed the silver tears to fall. It had freaked everyone out when I was sobbing on the floor on the dunes of The Night Court, it freaked me out too. But the way I felt the bond go taut, then stretch to a point that was so uncomfortable - I never wanted to feel that ever again.

I had grown comfortable and had grown to love the way the bond would grow more taut by the day. And it had grown so tight and there that night at the cabin. It felt so good, so right.

I knew it would be my undoing.

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Nights were the worst.

It was all I had to say.

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I came back from a mission the Rhys had sent me on. I walked into the town house to see everyone standing in the foyer, grinning like I hadn't seen them grin in a while.

Their grins were vibrant and unguarded. Even Nesta was smiling, it made me falter a step. I knew I had deep circles under my eyes, I new my face was pale due to feeling so sick of everything. I knew I looked as shit as I felt.

I was standing in my leathers, the only thing that seemed to get me going was training. Even then, as soon as I worked myself into complete exhaustion, I was back into the darkness. My shadows were darker than usual, and they pressed in - trying to comfort me.

But nothing worked.

Rhys stepped forward and engulfed me in a hug. I stiffened, but it was so warm and comforting that I hugged him back, have to lean down a bit because he was shorter than me. I was taller than everyone here.

Rhys pulled back after a bit and I raised a brow, even that took up too much energy.

Feyre came up after him and tackled me into a hug, I stiffened again. Because I didn't like that I was holding another woman while my mate was away from me, no matter if she was my sister-in-law.