Pilot Pride (A Poe Dameron fanfiction -- Star Wars)

25. (41) Closer

Author's Note: Not sure if I used this pic before but guess what. I love it. And imma use it again. :)

AKAI'S POV

The stars were out, blinking at us. His hand entangled with mine and I nested my head on his chest. 

"Akai . . ." Poe whispered, and I looked up to him. 

It was one of my favorite nights -- one of our rooftop escapades where we sit up until late hours and talk. His arm was wrapped around my shoulders and he hugged me close to him. 

"I think I'll have to go away again for a few days." Poe admitted, and I sat up immediately. 

"What? Why?" I exclaimed, looking down at his abashed, afraid face. 

"The First Order. We can't simply ignore their advances and I have to go investigate, or fight." Poe said. I fell back down onto his arm with a sigh. 

Moments of silence passed. "I hate that, I'm going to be honest."

"What?" Poe asked. 

"I hate when you go away. I . . . It scares me." I said quietly, filled with shame. 

I knew it was irrational for me to wish Poe could stay, but I couldn't help it. I cared about him and I didn't want him going away. I was so afraid that he wasn't going to come back. 

Poe sighed a deep, heavy sigh. 

"I know, Akai. It . . ." He trailed off, but I had heard him. 

"It what?" I questioned, craning my neck to look up at him. He stared at the stares with a look I had never before seen in his eyes -- discomfort. He couldn't seem to be able to look back at me. He swallowed. 

"It scares me, too."

Moments passed and when he didn't elaborate, I asked, "What do you mean?" 

Poe bit down on his lower lip and shook his head. "I don't know. It's just . . . Those people in the First Order are horrifying. They've got no limits. Dealing with them, fighting them, hell, even hearing about some of the things those psychos do . . . It scares me.

"And it scares me that they know my name. They know who I am. They want me eliminated -- dead. I'm just another piece of the puzzle they want to -- need to -- conquer, and I'm another piece that needs to be taken out. I'm scared of what they would do to me and I'm scared of what they have done to me."

"What have they done to you?" I whispered. Poe was quiet for a few moments.

"When I was taken hostage by them they kept me alone and their leader, Kylo Ren, came in and he got in my mind. He dug up things I never wanted to think about again. He read all my secrets and he knew me in a matter of seconds. He tortured me." Poe spoke. Horror settled down onto me like a thick blanket. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I didn't know." 

Poe shook his head. "It's alright. It only makes me want to beat them that much more. Makes me want to fight. That's what makes me one of the top dogs around here, because when I'm scared I don't back down, I stand up taller. But I am. I'm scared." He said. 

"This is weird. It's the first time I've said that aloud." Poe admitted, frowning up at the sky. 

I couldn't say anything. Hearing about his encounters with the First Order scared me so much more than I already was. I knew the First Order was big and bad -- I knew of their power. But listening to a first-hand account of someone who was one of the organization's top targets made the organization so much more . . . Real. 

I started consoling him. "You're not a droid. Having emotions like that, being scared like that . . . It's just part of being human. I'm sure you've scared a good handful of them, as well." I added on as an afterthought. 

Poe chuckled. "I really do like you, Akai. A lot." 

He turned to me and wrapped his thick, lean arms around me. He pressed his lips against mine and a fluttering feeling erupted in my stomach. For a moment I was a burning flame, subject to his every wish, molding into his every craving. I was attracted to him -- immensely. I clutched his lean back tighter, pulling him closer. 

Then Poe raised himself, detaching our lips. My spirit sank, and I asked, "What?"

He looked down at me curiously, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. "Who are you going to the ball with?" He questioned. 

I shrugged. "I don't know . . . Opi is going with Ganner and Rizee is going with Raze. I suppose I could go with Jax, but . . ." 

"Dance with me." Poe breathed. I hesitated, pulling my head back a little and raising an eyebrow. 

"It'll -- we'll be careful, I promise. We won't get caught." When Poe could see I wasn't conforming to agree, he continued, "Please, Akai. I want to share this with you." 

He raised his hand to tuck a strand of hair gently behind my ear and while my insides squirmed with delight, I also battled nerves. 

"I don't know, Poe . . . That's a little too risky." I admitted cautiously. 

"Please, Akai. I really, really adore you." He began speaking slowly, and softly, but his voice was still so rugged, "I just want to be able to . . . Hold you, and touch you, and tell you what I think of you . . ."

He was staring down at me, his fingertips grazing down the side of my face. I felt a powerful magnetism in myself towards him and he was melting me with his gentle, affectionate words. I could see in his desiring eyes that he spoke no lies, that he was telling me what he truly wanted, and every part of me wanted to succumb to his wishes. 

But then I snapped back into reality; he is my professor. I am his apprentice. We are not, or should not be, romantically involved. 

I placed my hands on his chest and pressed upwards. "We can't, Poe. I don't want to." 

I immediately regretted the last phrase, and I could see it's effect in his eyes. Appall and hurt flared in his irises and his mouth was slightly agape. He leaned away from me, and sat. 

"No, wait, Poe, that's not what I --" I began to sit up. 

"You can just go." Poe quietly muttered. I froze, one hand outreached towards him. At first my insides were dull, but then I felt an icy chill fall down my shoulders. 

"Poe." I softly spoke, letting my hand tentatively fall on his shoulder. He tensed. 

Moments of dreadful silence passed. "Okay." I said. I stood up and left the roof, walked down the ladder, made my way back to my dorm . . . 

I felt crumbled, and shattered. Only a few pieces of me mended when I entered my dorm. 

Rizee was getting up from Opi's bed, and Opi, the insomniac, had  fallen asleep. 

I frowned, taken aback. Rizee was grinning, and shrugged. She leaned in towards me. "I rubbed her back -- it's what got her to sleep, so of course I'll do it." 

I couldn't help a small smile from growing onto my face. I realized how proud and truly satisfied Rizee was as she climbed into her own bed, and my heart swelled for my loyal roommate. 

But then my thoughts drifted to Poe again and a sullen look took over my countenance once more. 

_____

Author's Note

Guys I just saw the eighth episode of Star Wars and now I'm motivated again. NO SPOILERS HERE EITHER!

It is an amazing movie, though, and I'd totally recommend watching it. Exactly what I thought would happen in my fanfiction did, and now reads are spiking again and I'm super happy about it. I have all of winter break to keep writing and I'm super excited for it!