Broken Light

~ Chapter Four ~

I drive fast, faster than I should. I imagine the speed limit to be momentarily nonexistent and focus only on my purpose of getting to Alex. I open all the car windows and let the fresh, crisp air circulate inside. I hear a bunch of car honks and I assume that I've passed a red light. I pull the car to the side. What the hell am I doing? I could just as easily run over someone. Was this how Alex was hit? Because of someone else's stupid decision? It seemed highly unfair that he had to pay for the foolish mistake of some idiot who didn't even have the guts to stay and make sure he got to the hospital.

My phone starts to ring. Lexie again. I hesitate to pick it up. There wasn't much to say to her. She knew where I was headed, so she shouldn't be that worried. I reject her call with a bit of remorse. I should be treating her better. She'd always been the one by my side, the only person who didn't leave me after seeing the messed up conditions I was in. I owed her a lot and I'd never done much to repay for all that she'd done. I never deserved her, I knew that the moment I met her.

I park the car in a spot close to the hospital and rush to the entrance. Other than the nurses and doctors, there weren't that many other people around. I walk towards the reception desk and come face to face with the same nurse I saw the first time I came. The one with the pinched nose.

"Mr. Sillan," she says in her low, harsh voice. "I expected you to be here a lot sooner." I resist the urge to punch her in the stomach.

"I sure would have if someone from this damned hospital had actually taken the effort to call me," I retort back at her. A few seconds pass in silence as she stares at me through slit eyes.

"Very well then," she clears her throat. "Follow me. You'll have about 20 minutes." She heads for the maze of corridors behind the reception desk. I must say, for an old lady, she could walk at a fast pace. I try to keep up with her after each twist and turn with the occasional slowing down to give myself time to look through each room we pass by. I never liked hospitals, with their constant gloomy atmosphere. The last time I'd been here, I had to watch my mother die, leaving me alone with the wretched man that had become my step-dad.

The nurse stops me after about 5 minutes of walking. She points to the door at the end of the corridor.

"Mark my word, Mr. Sillan, only 20 minutes," she says as she steps away to open the door. I nod and enter the room.

I stay frozen in my spot. She brought me to the wrong room. This isn't.... And that's when I see the hint of jet black hair.

With his bandaged face and closed eyes, Alex looks nothing like Alex. If it hadn't been for his hair, I would have never recognized him. I take a few steps closer to him. It breaks my heart to see all the machines attached to him. He has two tubes bringing oxygen through his nostrils and another set taking colourless fluid into his arms. I can't help but shudder. Bandages cover most of his face. Wherever there wasn't one, you had the slight hint of a bruise.

I take his dry hand in mine and caress my thumb over it. Cuts cover all his fingers.

"Alex," I whisper. I don't know if he can hear but I hope that a part of him does. "It's Tanny."

Silence.

I look down at Alex's hands, hoping that they would show a slight hint of movement but nothing happens.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sorry that I didn't come see you myself. I'm sorry that a bastard hit you." I kick the ground multiple times until my right foot is in a considerable amount of pain.

"Alex, you need to come back!" I cry. "There are so many things I need to tell you, things I've been wanting to tell you for years." My chest starts to hurt and I question why I'd always been so afraid. Because of my fear, I may never be able to tell Alex the things he deserves to know. I shouldn't have waited for so long until Alex was in a life-or-death situation to realize that I should have told him the truth long ago.

The nurse comes in and motions at her watch. I take one last look at Alex and promise myself to tell him everything he deserves to know the moment he opens his eyes.

But even then, I realize that I'm still afraid.