Broken Light

~ Chapter Eleven ~

Imagining that Alex was sound asleep in the hospital bed was a lot easier than I'd expected. The bandages were off his face and the bruises had long healed, leaving only a few scratches that were barely even noticeable to the eye. But of course, being in a hospital and surrounded by machines and devices that beeped almost every minute made it difficult to completely ignore the harsh reality of the situation.

I hadn't gone home since the evening. There wasn't much I wanted to do anyways other than seeing Alex. So I came to the final conclusion that I would wait through the whole evening until it was time for the early morning visitor sessions. It wasn't the smartest decision but I was never the smartest person either. I should have considered what Lexie and Jules would have thought or how they would have felt, but at the moment, I didn't care much about them. All I wanted was Alex. Selfish and stupid of me, trust me I know, but that's just the type of person I've always been.

I did end up leaving Lexie a voice message so that she wouldn't drive herself crazy overnight. Immediately minutes after my message though, I received a dozen calls from her, calls that I purposefully ignored. I'd told her that my phone was "running out of charge", but by the looks of it, she hadn't quite picked up on that part of the message. I wasn't that worried though. I decided that I would explain everything once I got home, which wouldn't be that long after the end of the visitor sessions.

I focus back on Alex's face and the monitor measuring his heartbeat. Everything seemed perfectly fine. How could his conditions worsen if he looks better than he did before? How can he be doing worse when all his vitals are healthy and within the normal range? How?

I touch Alex's hands, put together on his chest almost as if he is praying, with the tip of my fingers and am surprised at how cold they are. I take one of his hands in mine, in an attempt to warm him up with my own body heat. As I hold onto him, I think for the first time: can he hear me? I'd read a few stories here and there about coma patients hearing the people around but I'd never actually given it much thought.

"Alex," I start reluctantly, not wanting to look crazier than I already did to the nurses passing by. "It's Tristan... It's Tanny." I stare at his face, waiting for something to happen. An eye twitch, a movement in the corner of his mouth, or just anything.

I stare for a few seconds. Nothing. His face remains unchanged. No expression whatsoever.

I leave the room before the nurses come along to kick me out. I wasn't ready to go face to face with another one of them, at least not on the same day. Plus, considering the mood I was in and the small amount of sleep I'd gotten, I was in no way capable of a proper social interaction.

I'm about to exit the hospital when I see her, frantically rushing up the stairs. It takes me less than a second to remember who she is and part of me wishes I hadn't.

Her red curls bounce up and down as she runs to the reception desk. Her blue eyes look swollen and tired, a similar resemblance to the eyes I see every time I look in the mirror. Why hadn't she gotten here earlier? It'd been weeks since the crash... Did she not care enough? I know she was travelling through Europe at the time, but was he not important enough for her to stop whatever she was doing and get the hell over to Vancouver as fast as she could?

I try not to think too much about her and how I met her for the first time, but the emotions and memories of the day are too clear for me to ever forget. My heart had never felt as much pain as it did when I saw her with Alex for the first time. I'd been touring across the university when I saw them, holding each other's hands and staring into each other's eyes as if they held the answers to all the questions in the universe. It was then that for the very first time, my heart shattered into a million little pieces. I was broken. Broken that Alex had never told me a single thing about his new relationship. Broken that he had forgotten to tell that one friend who'd always been by his side. Broken that the person beside him wasn't me.

Had it not been for the numerous times Alex had mentioned her name after our "sudden" encounter, I would have completely forgotten about her existence. But Alex had made that entirely impossible. If there was one person he always talked about when we were together, it had to be Jessica. With his ongoing speeches about the love of his life, he never came to realize that every time, he'd rip away the bandage I had desperately put around my heart.

I look at her arguing with the nurse. There was no possible way they'd let her see him. Even though tiny, the nurses could be grumpy when they wanted to be, and that is one sight no one will ever want to see in their lifetime. Deep down, I kinda felt happy. Happy that she wouldn't get to see him right away. If she'd cared enough, she would have gotten here earlier.

As I take one last look, I consider going up to her. She'd remember me, wouldn't she? Maybe. Maybe if Alex had mentioned me as much as she'd mentioned her. Maybe if he cared about me as much as he cared about her.

I shake my head and pinch my nose hard to make myself more conscious of the world around. Nothing matters at this point, I remind myself. Why would it matter if she knows who I am?

I glance back at Jessica, feeling the same pain that I had when I saw her with Alex for the first time, before I leave the wretched place.