Hopeless I ; Phan ~ completed

~ Ch. 48 ~

~ Dan Howell ~

"It'll blow over. This whole mess won't change us." He whispers, looking down at me with a frown.

"It won't?" I ask softly, on the verge of tears.

"I promise." He whispers. "I'll always love you, Pretty boy."

"That's one hell of a promise." I scoff, shaking my head.

"Hey." He mumbles, sitting down so I don't have to look up at him to meet his eyes. "I mean it. I love you."

He leans in and kisses me softly. I pull away, looking down and sniffling. "This is all so much."

"I know it is." He mumbles knowingly.

"I don't.. It.. I.." I stutter, unable to get words out.

"What?"

"I feel guilty. Like this is all my fault. Like I'm doing something horribly wrong. How can something so wrong feel so right?"

"It's not wrong, babe."

"It feels that way sometimes."

"Does it?"

"Not it's you. Me. The way we are, I am. I don't want to be like this but I can't help it. I think that's what they don't get. Do they think I wanted this? God I hate myself for it! If I could change it I would."

"You'd be straight if given the option?"

"It'd be easier."

"Oh."

"Wouldn't you?"

"No.."

"Oh." I whisper. "But it's brought nothing good for either of us."

"It brought me you, and that's good. I wouldn't trade that for anything."

"You're so lovesick its ridiculous."

"Can't help it, remember?"

~ ~ ~

After that, we went back to class and managed through the next few. Then the lunch bell rang and everyone hustled to the cafeteria. I skipped getting food entirely, walking outside to where our group sits. I sit there, going on my phone. "Hey, Dan, right?"

"That's me." I mutter, turning my phone off and looking at the girl. She has short red hair and big glasses. I recognize her from around school.

"I'm Kit. I've got a few classes with you."

"Hi."

"I just thought I'd say, I know that the whole school is kind of against you right now.. But my friends and I are on your side.. Everyone can seem like they hate you, and I know it must be hard. Just wanted to say you and Phil are really cute together. I hope this doesn't tear you apart."

"Thanks, Kit."

"No problem. And don't say anything to anyone, cause I'm still in the closet.. But, I'm gay. You're really strong for being open about it. That's something I couldn't do."

"I wouldn't say I'm being too strong right now, but thank you."

"Yeah.. And, after school, you and your friends should take the back exit. Jake and his group are planning to uh.. you know.. I'd hate for you to be walking around with a black eye."

"Yeah, I wouldn't like that too much either." I chuckle.

"Hey, keep your head up, Howell. It's the last year of this hell hole. Then you can go off and be as gay as you'd like."

"Yeah, thanks."

"See you around."

"Bye." I mutter, seeing Dodie and Phil walking over.

~

"Who was that?" Dodie asks, sitting down.

"Some girl from my classes."

"What'd she want?" She wonders.

"Came to tell me to take the back exit at dismissal. You guys too."

"Okay."

"This has been a wreck."

"Hey, How'd you get the, uh.." She wonders, gesturing to the side of her cheek.

"Jake."

"That fucking asshole. I swear to God." She mutters, biting her lip and shaking her head.

"It's fine Dodie."

"It's not." Phil mumbles.

"It really isn't."Dodie agrees.

- - -

I walk down the hall with Dodie on one side of me and Phil on the other. Currently, we're headed to PE, a class that's hated by the majority of the school. I hate the physical activity parts of it, but otherwise, its a free period when we don't have any work to do, so I don't mind it. At least not that much.

By the time we get outside in the field, the class had already run off elsewhere to do whatever Coach had planned. "Do they ever wait for us?" I sigh, walking towards the shouting of a bunch of kids.

"I don't think they even remember we exist." Dodie mutters as we turn a corner to the back of the school, walking into the open area of the forest. "What are we playing?" She asks some kid as he runs by.

"Football, or you run ten laps through the forest." He pants, rushing past us.

"We are not doing football." Dodie mutters.

"To the forest it is." I mutter. We jog into the forest, noticing some kids already breaking a sweat. "We aren't actually running, are we?"

"Oh, Howell. Of course we aren't." Dodie sighs. "Just leave the path, and hide behind the trees. We used to do it all last year."

"Whatever you say, rebels." I chuckle, rolling my eyes.

"Oh yeah, I'm definitely a rebellious teen." Dodie mutters sarcastically.

"Me too, man. I take alllllll the risks." Phil chuckles.

"I kinda do feel like running though.." Dodie says, looking down as we walk.

"Are you kidding me?" I scoff, looking at her like she's nuts.

"Nope." She giggles, rushing ahead of us. "I'll meet you two in a bit!"

"Dodie! Ugh!" I shout as she runs far out of view. "Well, I'm not about to go looking for her."

"Hey, this forest is pretty cool though." He says with a smile, grabbing my hand. "Come on."

~ 924 ~