My Imaginary Boyfriend

My Imaginary Boyfriend *Loneliness

Margarett enters my room with a grunt. "What are you doing there lying in bed?" she asks. She doesn't even give me a time to respond. "Come now, you're going to the supermarket to buy us some food."

In the middle of the night? It's eight in the evening. I can't contradict her though. I sit on my bed, and she hands me a note; the list of the things that I need to buy.

"Here's the money," she says. "Give me the receipt back."

I nod. As if I'll take the change.

"Faster," she orders when I stand up slowly.

Looking down at myself, I decide not to change my sweatshirt and jeans. Besides, it's just a walking distance.

It takes me ten minutes to get to the supermarket. It's a good thing there are only few people here. Who will shop in the night, eh? I walk faster, searching for the items on the list. I don't want to be scolded again.

Margarett is not that bad, considering we're not related. She told me to call her Margarett because she doesn't want to be old. Well, she' not really old. She's only in her early thirties. Sometimes, when she's in the mood, I tease her to date. She's pretty, with her dark curly hair and amber eyes. She's a good person. Just don't talk to her when she's not in the mood.

She lets me eat three times a day, pay my school stuff, buy me necessary things. In return, I clean the dishes, wash the clothes, well, name them -- I do all the household chores. When she has money, she even gives me some. You can tell that she's letting me live with her because I do those things. But I feel she really cares for me, even if she doesn't say or show it. She's the closer to the family I can get. So I'll take what I have.

When I complete the list, I walk to the cashier. I don't even have a change. So much for being an accountant. All she thinks about is money. You can even see her eyes with a dollar sign in them.

As I'm walking on my way home, I see a happy couple - wraps in each others embrace - in the park bench talking about the reasons why they love each other. I stop in my track -- not too obviously -- and eavesdrop. I know it's wrong, but I'm curious.

"What?" The girl asks. "Why don't you tell me?"

"Because there's nothing to tell," the guy says, intertwining their fingers.

By their looks, they're only a few years older than me. The guy has dark hair with brown eyes while the girl has green eyes and blonde hair.

"Please," the girl pleads, batting her long eyelashes at him.

The guy sighs. He doesn't want to let her down. "There's no reason why I love you," he says seriously, gazing deeply into her eyes.

"Wh--"

The guy cuts her off. "Because if there's a reason," he hesitates. "What if I love you because you're beautiful, then you become ugly? What if I love you because of your hair, then it turns into gray? What if I love you because of your thoughtfulness, then you become surly?"

His words, so gentle, touches my heart, even when the speech is not for me. The girl stares at the guy, seems lost for words, mouth hanging open.

Looking around, I expect to see some camera, taping their scene. All I see are the bright stars in the sky and the full moon shining brightly. I don't know why I'm standing here, listening to them. A wind ruffles my hair; I shiver. It's cold tonight. I forgot to bring my jacket. I rub my arms to warm myself.

"You see, when you love someone, there's no such thing as 'because' -- because is just a reason not to love a person anymore. When you truly love someone, you will still love them even if they changed. Being with someone you love will help you grow into a good person."

The girl chokes a word I didn't hear.

"I love you. Always have. Always will," the guy says affectionately. "I will just stop loving you when the apple tree bears an orange." He winks, and the girl laughs softly. He cups her face in his hands and kisses her on the lips.

I look away. His words send an electric shock through my body. I can't believe it. There's really a guy that will love someone to the ends of the earth. I thought they only existed in books.

I walk faster than before, to our house. Margarett is nowhere in sight. I leave the bags in the kitchen and run to my room.

This loneliness is eating; swallowing me whole. I only now experience this nagging feeling, I'm new at this. I curl into a ball; not knowing what to do. It's like my heart is ripping its way out of my chest.

I scream in my pillow - I don't want someone to hear me. I can't explain the things I feel inside. I wipe the wet part of my cheek and realize it's my tears.

Why am I crying? The last time I cried - I can't even remember it.

I want to think about him - the guy in my mind -- but I can't. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not in the mood, or my brain is not working right. God, help me. They say you are true. I need you now. This is my first time to ask a favor to you. I didn't even ask you when I was hurt. So, can you help me now?

I stretch in my bed, take a deep breath, and close my eyes slowly - like the last time I think of him. Is it only a while ago?

I will myself, and think of him - his features turning into focus. This is going to be our first sight.

*****

Did you listen to the song? It's called When Will It Be Me by Yasmeen.

Thank you for reading my story!