"Helio . . ." I warn in a low voice, looking into his eyes, noticing the scar on his right eyebrow.
"Luna . . ." Helio mocks me with a serious look.
Helio leans in again and our lips brush against each other, hot breath fanning both of our faces. We look into each others eyes once more before our lips collide, neither of us wanting to pull apart. When we do, I sit there with my eyes closed, taking in what just happened. He's grinning, but he's nervous, unsure of how I feel. He's always been so caring when it comes to me, but not to anyone else and I've never understood why.
Helio's always been great at hiding his emotions, but this kiss has changed that. He's been twisting that ring on his finger, waiting for me to say something . . anything just to break this silence. I don't think I know what to say, but he obviously doesn't either. His gaze is fixed on the wall behind us, probably in thought. I'm watching him, trying to figure out what to do next.
"Luna, I'm feeling so much right now and I'm noticing things about you that I didn't see before."
"Like what?" My voice is a hoarse whisper.
''The slight gap in your front teeth, how you pick at your fingernails when you're nervous or thinking, how quickly you dart your eyes away . . . how unsure you get about being with someone . ." He trails off, looking at me.
"Helio, it's not that I don't want to be with you, it's the fact that people don't date like they used to. They talk to each to each other, act all cute to get called "goals", they have a great thing going on for three months, and guess what happens after that?" I look at him. "They leave each other because it wasn't an actual relationship, it was just a fling."
"That wouldn't be us. I know what it's like to be heartbroken, I know how bad it can fuck you up. Why would I want to go through that again?"
"It wouldn't be intentional, we both know that. The more you love someone, the more they're able to break you. We'd break other, shatter each other into nothing."
"No . . we wouldn't. It hurts so much to stop talking to someone you thought you were gonna spend your life with and I think we both know that."
"I know nothing about love, I never have. I was abandoned twenty-two fucking times and nobody was there for me!" I snap, tears sliding down my face.
"I know, darling. I know how bad you've been hurt and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for every night you've cried yourself to sleep. I'm sorry for all the days where you had trouble covering up how bad your depression was. I'm sorry that you had to deal with people hurting you over and over again . . and I . . and I . . I . . love you."
My breathing halts. Then it quickens because I've never heard those words . . especially from a boy. No matter how much I try to ignore what Helio just said, I know he's telling the truth. He could be the one, maybe the right one.
Then again, every boy is the right one until you're barely holding it together. He's the right one until your trying to stitch your wounds back up. He's the right one until you're begging him to stay one more night just to see if his mind might change. He's the right one until you've forgotten how to breathe because he's fucked you up so bad. You won't remember any of those things, though . . you'll only remember the way his eyes lit up when he saw you and how easily he said, I love you.
I don't wanna fall for Helio because he's the kind of boy to be unforgettable. You shouldn't fall for boys like him. Boys like him hold you while you cry and they rub your back while whispering comforting things. They help you with school even though they don't know much. They know your worth even when you don't. They've been there for you when you needed rescued from a creep and they don't even question it.
They turn your self hate into something like self love saying stuff like, "you don't see how beautiful you truly are, do you?" or, "I wish you could see how beautiful you are." They make your frown turn into a crooked grin. They make your dull world turn into a bright one. Just don't fall for them, just please don't because you will regret it. Trust me when I say this, I've watched it happen.
It's the ones who kiss your scars and stretch marks who fuck you over the most. It's the ones who tell you the truth without being forced to. It's the ones who have imperfections just like you. It's the ones who don't care how bad your past was, as long as you're in their future. These are the good guys, the guys who leave you in a crumpled mess on the floor, begging for the pain of them leaving to just end.
These are the unforgettable boys, these are the boys who you've seen friends with. These are the boys who you've read about, seen movies about. These are the boys you dream and fantasize about because you just want someone to love you. These are the boys who you can't compare to anyone. These boys are it, they're the one until they leave.
"Please don't say that." Is all I manage to tell him.
"Why? Why can't I tell you how I feel?"
"I'm not good for you."
"But you are. You deserve the world, baby . . and I know . . I know you hate hearing anything like that, but it's true."
"No, it isn't. I don't deserve anything, especially you . . I don't . . I don't deserve you." I gesture towards him.
"Yes, you do. You really do, Luna."
"I don't. You're too good for me, you . . you . ." I trail off, not knowing what to say.
"Luna . . I love you. I fucking love you like a lot."
''No . . no . . no. You don't . . you're just . . you're just saying that." I shake my head.
"No, baby . . I'm not. I'm not, I promise." He tries to pull me closer.
"I can't." I get up suddenly, running out of his apartment.
"Watch it!" Alden grumbles as I run into him.
I ignore him as I continue running, not wanting to be anywhere near here. I almost trip going down the stairs, but I don't stop until I get outside. Deep breathes and a glance behind me before I'm running again. My names being called from two different people, but I'm not stopping. I don't even know where I'm going, as long as its far away.
"Luna?" A voice asks as a person pulls up in a car.
"Mr. Venne?" I gasp.
"Do you need a ride?"
"Please."
