FOREVER

Marked

Marked

My father was not home. I knew that from the lack of car in the driveway, but I didn't really want to believe it until I got in the door and felt the quiet of the house. It was disappointing. I wasn't up for talking with my father right now, but it would have been nice if he'd just been here. I saw a note on the kitchen table and glanced at it. He went to help with frozen pipes at the Black's house. He'd be out all day. This probably wasn't the best time for me to go on suicide risk.

I managed a weak laugh despite my slowly developing depression. I'd never, never do something as stupid as suicide. Especially over a lost love, no matter how powerful I thought that love might have been. Please. But, that didn't deny the fact that I was feeling sick to my stomach, and empty, and alone. Oh, and I was cold. My fingers were turning into that stinging pain as a result from being too cold and I sighed as I ripped my non-waterproof gloves off. They were red and the heated house made them tingle in an unpleasant way. I could use a hot shower in more ways than one. The hike up the stairs was slow. I really didn't want to be dealing with them at this moment, but couldn't bring myself to care enough to do anything otherwise. I was sort of robotic. And, this would have been a very interesting 'me' study were I not on the verge of some sort of breakdown. I just had to make it to the shower.

And I did. The water was hot, probably too hot. But then again...apathy. I stood in the shower, feeling my cold toes burn as they tried to adjust to the temperature. I didn't realize that I was so tense but when the water hit my back it instantly released and I felt like I could really breathe. Of course, this newly found breath wasn't all that great when it turned into a heaving sob. I knew it was lame and weak but I couldn't really control myself. No, it wasn't lame and weak. I had a right to be sad about my girlfriend right now! I had not one but two different pairs of teeth on my neck! I was going to cry and be proud of my tears! So I did. I cried until the water turned cold. By then I'd run out of tears and was trying to desperately buck myself up.

I mean, no one had really said anything about leaving. No one had said goodbye in that certain tone that indicated it was for forever. For all I knew, Alice might be waiting for me on my bed. The thought made my heart leap with hope and I tried to push it back down in my chest cavity. I didn't see the point in creating new tears so easily. But wallowing in a cold shower wasn't really helping my point, so I climbed out and put my jeans and shirt back on. My entire body felt lethargic as I headed to my room. I tried to account it to the lost adrenaline but it could have been a multitude of things. A multitude of things I didn't really want to think about right now. Reminding myself that I didn't know if someone awaited me on the other side, I opened my door.

My window was shut, and there was no one on my bed. However there was someone standing in my room. Someone big. I watched their large shoulders rise and fall with each angered breath. The room smelled unfamiliar and it was hot in here. It was never hot in my room. I turned on the lights slowly. What was left of my adrenaline came racing back to my heart and I backed away as the light filled the room, only to breathe a sigh of semi-relief. Of course, as quickly as that came it was replaced with anger

"What the hell, Jacob? What are you doing in my room?" I asked weakly, my eyes raking over his strange attire. Cut off sweat pants and nothing else. No shirt, no shoes, who knew about underwear. He glared at me and I returned it, my eyes falling to his very, very muscular midsection. "Steroids?" I commented, walking over to my bed and laying down. I didn't enjoy this whole lethargic apathy but it was better than the alternative. Under no circumstances was I going to cry in front of Jacob. Neither of us deserved that right now, though he was definitely working on it with that glare he was giving me. He stalked over to my bed, his chest still heaving from his angered breaths. He was shaking and he crouched down, eye level with me.