Changing | SM

Part 80: a breath

Shawn:

💞later that day💞

It was quiet in my room after the doctors came in and told my parents that they'll have to make the decision on pulling the plug on me. It was awfully quiet.
And I hated ever minute of it.

"Shawn. Honey, it's mum." I heard her sniffing, feeling her hand locking in with mine.
"I don't know if you can hear this or not, but I need to talk to you. I just couldn't stay quiet any longer, and from mother to son... I really don't want you to go." She broke down again, crying as she rested her forehead on my chest.

"I can't lose my son, not again. Please wake up for me, your sister and dad. But more importantly Adriana. She told us what she went through and-and, she can't lose you too Shawn." I felt her brushing her hand through my hair.

Oh mum, how I missed your touch, your love and care.
How I missed you.

If it weren't for Adriana none of us would've been in this situation, but yet, I want to be here because then I know I lived a bit. I felt love again and she made me so unconditionally happy.
She loved me unconditionally, and there's nothig I could've asked for more in this life than her.
She gave me my family again, she made me smile and laugh in moments I always only saw as darkness and sorrow.

She's my love, my happiness and joy.
I can't lose her.

"Open your eyes. Please, don't let us make this decision on having to kill you." I could hear her voice breaking at the last words... 'kill you'.

Fuck.

My heart started pounding at a fast pace, my lungs started aching and the pipe in my throat started irritating me.
Can this be it?

Am I waking up or just feeling how I die?

I suddenly started coughing but my eyes remained shut. For some reason they won't yet open. "Doctor! I need a doctor in here!" My dad's voice came ringing through the halls in to my room and I heard the thousand footsteps of doctors and nurses rushing in.

"He's taking breaths. We need to remove the oxygen pump immediately." I felt the pipe slipping our my throat, giving me hard gagging reflexes.

"Check his pulse!" I felt hands all over me, pulling out supporting machines and feeling heartbeat and pulses.
My eyes slowly started to flutter open, but the bright light of the room made it hard for them to stay open.

I haven't seen sunlight or light in over four days. It's quite intimidating now.
"Mum." I said weakly, my throat dry and voice breaking. "Oh my god! Shawn! You're okay." She cried on to my chest as she hugged me. My sister and dad following those exact moves immediately after.

"Adriana?" I almost whispered.
But it was quiet, she's not here.

"I took her home honey. She needed some rest." I only nodded, still too weak to speak. "Do you remember anything?" I shook my head.
"Not much. I forgot some names and faces. Why am I here?"
"You were in a crash Shawn." I didn't say anything, trying to think back and remember what happened... but I don't remember anything.

"Aaliyah?" I heard her walking up to me. "Hey. What do you need?"
My loving and caring sister.
She's the best.
"Pictures." She gave my hand a gentle squeeze and I felt a needle injection in my arm.

"This will help with any pain." The nurse said softly and I felt myself drifting off to sleep again. But I'm afraid to close my eyes, to see black again and maybe not waling up again. "Get some rest you lazy oaf, I'll get pictures." They greeted me and then walked off as I fell asleep again.
But it was good to sleep this time.
I felt like I needed it, even though I was practically gone for four days straight.

Adriana.
Adriana.

Why does that name feel so important to me?