I'm Already Going to Hell

The Dream

I had a dream that night, one that I don't think I would forget for a while. I was laying in a lush grass field, blankets and bright with stars, the stars whizzing by me at unimaginable speeds. It was beautiful.

"So, care to talk love?"

I knew that voice anywhere.....shit.

"What do you want Crowley? For your information I'm very emotionally unstable at the moment and I don't need your sexual innuendo getting all up in it" I said. I realized that we were both laying in the same blanket and close to eachother. Way too close for comfort. I scooted away from him a bit and he scooted near me again, putting his arm around my shoulder and running his fingers through my hair. I tried to push him off but he just pulled me closer. This time I didn't scoot away, for the fact that he would only pull me closer to him.

"I wanted to talk to you about what I believe was your little love session with me not too long ago" He said, looking over at me and raising an eyebrow.

'You can make anything sound sexual, can't you?' I thought in my head, fully expecting to get an answer back from him

"Darling, you're talking to the King of innuendo. That's not why I set this up though" he swirled a finger in the air, and the scenery changed. We were in his bedroom again, the one from the mansion from when we first met, us sitting on his bed. "Darling, I'm here because, I have....feelings." He scooted closer to me, grimacing at the word, like it had stabbed him in the back.

"As all of us do Crowley, it's nothing new" I chuckled, but was given an are-you-serious look from the demon, so I rolled my eyes. "Go on.." I said softly.

"Humans do, they have feelings, they are capable of being sad, and all other clusters of unnecessary things . But demons, we aren't supposed to have feelings love, that's why I can torture effortlessly and make deals, and not give two shakes of whatever about what ever."

"What are you getting at?" I quirked a brow, looking up at Crowley. He had been struggling to look up at me. He was looking anywhere but me and it was making me a bit anxious.

"It's..I just-have, feelings. Feelings that I haven't felt in..eons. Not like the basic hook up and drop off the face of the Earth" he was rambling, talking with his hands. He noticed that he had been mumbling to himself and cleared his throat. I had never seen this side of him before, not in person. Not in front of anyone. Then why me?

"Crowley..." I said softly. I moved my hand over to his, rubbing my thumb over the top of his hand. He looked up at me, then the room began to shake. We both looked around and Crowley stood up, me following along with him.

"That's our cue darling. Couldn't hold this link for much longer anyways. But if you ever want me to visit again, you only need ask" he smirked, trying to cover up the previous conversation with his suave façade and his flirty undertones, but I wanted to know what he was saying before.

"Wait! Please...I just wanna know, what were you talking about?" I felt the room shake a bit more violently, then it stopped in its entirety. The music in the background stopped and it was just us, standing in his room.

"I said that....I have feelings, for..you, and if you reciprocate, then I'd like to make myself only exclusive to you, if you'd say yes" He looked up at me, moving a hand to cup my chin, I pulled myself closer to him by his tie and I smiled.

"Oh you devil. You already know the answer to that."

He leaned in to kiss me and our lips met. I turned my head to the side as our lips moved in sync, Crowley wrapping a hand around my waist as he pulled me flush with his body. It felt like the kiss went on forever, that nothing else mattered but him. Not the Winchesters, not my life, just Crowley and I, standing here, at this very moment. He let go of the kiss and I opened my eyes. "Well, now I know how you feel about me love"

"W-what?" I said, still dazed by the kiss.

"The realization darling. Both mine and yours" He finally realized that this wasn't some date that he would throw away like trash, he would cherish this one. He would cherish Lexi

I suddenly felt a force being pulled on me. I fell to the floor to only find a bed had been replaced there, my bed. "Crowley!" I yelled, unaware of what was going on.

"Well, I guess it's time we say our goodbyes darling" He said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling his bed covers over me as I lied down.

"What do you mean?" I started to get drowsy

"This was a dream love. If you like this can be every dream, but dreams end at a point, and real life will start sooner or later. See you later love" He kissed me on the forehead and stood up. Everything started to blur around me and I closed my eyes, hoping he would still be there.

He wasn't.

*~*~*~*~*

I woke up in a sweat, jolting straight up and rubbing my head. I was in a bed in one of Bobby's guest rooms. I groaned and stretched, then heard a voice clearing their throat. It was Cas.

"Are you ok Lexi? I came in to check in on you and you just had this look on your face, nothing bad happened to you right?" He said, sitting at the edge of my bed.

"Cas, I swear you can be such a dad sometimes" I joked, Cas raising an eyebrow at me. "Yes I'm alright, It's nothing to worry about. Why are you here, usually one of the boys comes in here to wake me up"

"Well, that's the problem. I can't find them, but I know where they are" Cas said, scratching the side of his neck.

"Well spit it out feathers, where are the boys?"

"They are dead Lexi" Cas said.

I froze. Why would they be dead? Did a demon finally get them? Were they killed by Lucifer? What.The.Hell.Happened. I started to hyperventilate and Cas scooted closer.

"It's ok Lexi, I can get them back"

"Well can you!? Like uh-now" I yelled and curled up in a ball on the bed, tears streaming down my face. Cas patted my back, trying his absolute best to comfort me.

"They have to get themselves out Lexi. I can't help them at all due to the fact that I am banished from the place that they were put in" He said.

"W-wait. If you can bring them out of hell, and you're not banished from there, then where the hell are they?"

"They are in heaven."