Recovery Road | Completed

{13} "I thought the worst."

Meghan

She told me that I'm not enough, yeah

And she left me with a broken heart, yeah

She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah

She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah

Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah

And now I'm takin' these shots like it's novacane, yeah

"Oooh, I fall apart! Down to my core!"

The entire room is singing, the song blaring through the speakers as people push and shove in through the mass of bodies in the living room.

I don't know how much I've had to drink. All I know is that my body is alight with excitement and that the grip Mason has on my waist doesn't bother me.

But it should.

I haven't let another mans hands roam up and down my body, the way that Mason's are, since Sam. But I let him do it anyway. I let his fingers dig into my hips, his lips brush against the skin on my neck and his front press so close to my back that I feel every single dip of his muscles.

I let him.

But I shouldn't.

And I know that I shouldn't let him tilt my head to the side and capture my lips with his, but I do. I let his drunken decisions silence my sober truths until I'm not thinking about them anymore.

Until the picture of Sebastian and Cam is erased from my memory.

Until I'm no longer feeling the jealousy course through my veins because I have no right to. I'm not over Sam. I'm not over what happened to me. I'm not okay. And I'm not supposed to be feeling this way about some guy I barely know.

But I've become attached. I've let him into my dark world and I've turned him into the light that I'm hoping will guide me out once and for all. I've opened myself up to him, shown him the scariest parts of my fucked up soul and allowed him to comfort me.

I feel Mason's hand begin to descend, until his fingers are playing with the hem of my dress. I know what he's about to do but I don't stop him. I want to feel something other than the emptiness that surrounds me.

So I let him lead me off the dance floor. I let him take me up the stairs even though I can hardly keep my balance. And I let him walk me into an empty room on the second floor. And when he asks me if I'm sure? I say yes, because feeling anything is better than feeling the absolute numbness that has been drowning me since the day I lost everything.