Recovery Road | Completed

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Sebastian

Dear Mom,

She said yes.

She's letting me stay.

And I'd be lying if I said that my heartbeat didn't pick up it's pace at her whispered agreement.

She's letting me stay.

And I'd be a fool to let a girl like her slip through my fingers, she's so fragile and so soft, almost like silk. But silk can easily be lost in the wind if you don't hold on to it tight enough.

I don't want her to disappear when the wind decides to blow too hard or too fast. I want to hold on to her as tight as I can, now that she's given me the chance to do so, but I don't want to drive her away.

She's so special, Mom. She's funny, smart, caring, sometimes shy and sometimes really aggressive. And hell, there's so much wrong with her but there's also so much wrong with me that I don't even mind.

She's possibly the best thing that has crashed into my life since that day, you know the one.

But I'm terrified, Mom.

I'm so fucking scared that I'll say or do the wrong thing, and that it'll drive her away.

I'm scared because for once I've found someone who understands what it's like to lose someone you love, and that you hadn't had a choice in the matter.

Her name is Meghan, by the way. I know you probably weren't wondering but I wanted you to know that. To know the name of the girl who could potentially fill the whole you and that man left in me all those years ago.

Because that's what you did. On that day, you left a whole in my chest the size of my fist and it's been like that for the past three years.

It's been three years, Mom. Three goddamn years since I've seen you. Time flies, huh?

I'm at NYU. I'll be graduation in less than a year with a Bachelors in Social Sciences. I'm doing really good, too. Good enough to get a full-ride scholarship, but you never got the chance to know that. By the time I'd received my acceptance, you had been long gone.

I don't even know what else I can say. I just wanted you to know how I'd been doing and I wanted to tell you about Meghan. I want to be good enough for her, Mom. I don't want to give her any reasons to leave. I'm still trying to cope with you leaving, I don't know if I could survive if she abandoned me too.

I guess that's it then. I hope you're doing well.

Your son,
Sebastian.

I sit there staring at the letter that I've written to a person who will never get it. I've written one every month for the past three years of my life, with no knowledge of the address that belongs to the person.

The others are sitting in a locked drawer of my table. There's thirty-eight of them, thirty-nine with this one.

I'm twenty-one years old and I write letters to a mother who abandoned her son, leaving with a man who pretended to be a loving father but was nothing more than a bastard in disguise.

I write letters to a person who meant the world to me, but to who I meant so little that leaving in the middle of the night on my eighteenth birthday didn't seem like a horrible idea to them.

And now I have Meghan. A girl who has so quickly invaded all my senses, someone who I care for so deeply that the thought of her vanishing tugs at my chest. She's become a light in my darkness, a beacon of hope for something better.

I want to be her something better.

Because she said yes.

She's letting me stay.

And I'll be damned if I don't try my hardest to ensure that I'm enough to keep her around. I want to be enough for her. She has the key to heal me, but she also wields the power to knock me on my knees and ensure that I never get back up.

I just hope that we can find a balance, one that will heal us both without tearing the other one down.

Here's a little bit of insight on Sebastian. We've had a lot of Meg and what she's dealing with but be ready to start diving deeper into Sebastians mind!

XOXO, Sandy