Until Proven Innocent

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

AFTER
Cordelia Waters
Sunday May 21, 2016

I open my eyes and check the clock beside my bed. It's eight-thirty. I've barely slept at all and can feel the heaviness of my eyes. I want to go back to sleep, but I know that no sleep will come. Especially after the night we had.

The police showed up here after midnight, reading off constitutional rights and taking my husband away in the back of a cop car. It was excruciating. But part of me couldn't understand how one minute, all eyes were on me, and the next, they're on my husband. What the hell happened? What did they find? And why is Weston being questioned by the police in regards to the disappearance of our daughter? Weston would never hurt Emerald. This is all one big misunderstanding.

Today is the third morning I've had to wake up to this nightmare. The third morning I've had to wake up without her here. Every day the sun continues to come up, and I'm still here, but she is not. I sit up in bed and look at Weston who is sound asleep. He didn't say a word once he got home. I didn't press him, either. I know what it's like to be accused of something you didn't do. I'll get on with my day and let him rest. He needs it. But hopefully I will know all the details from the night before soon. Perhaps he'll be ready to talk about it later.

I thought they would have found her by now. Come rushing through the doors with good news. She should be safe and sound, sleeping in her crib. The police are supposed to be doing their job. I can only imagine the worst. That some man has her locked in a room somewhere, and she's crying, wanting Weston or me to come and hold her. But no one's there. No one's coming for her. She doesn't know what's going on. She doesn't know that worlds are falling apart because of her absence. She has no idea.

Having your child go missing is a mother's worst nightmare. But being blamed and accused for such a thing, I can't even put into words how that feels. These thoughts are driving me mad. I'm locked in this damn house and I can't do a thing about it. All I have is my mind, hoping it will keep me sane, but I feel abandoned from even myself.

How did I not know about the blackouts? How could I allow myself to forget things that have happened? I feel so stupid. As though there's something inherently wrong with me. Doctor Wyatt tried to reassure me that none of this is my fault. That it's simply in my brain, beyond my control. But I can't help but feel responsible.

Regardless of these blackouts, I know one thing for certain: I didn't do anything to my daughter. I know this. It's a fact. I have this feeling deep down – a mother's intuition – that someone took my baby. I have to believe that's true. Because if I don't – if I let my mind slip, even just the slightest – I'll be sucked into a vortex of blame and confusion that I didn't know was possible. And if I somehow did do something to my own daughter, then God only knows what else I am capable of.

It's nine a.m. when I wander aimlessly down the hall, debating if I should eat something or not. What a pleasant surprise. Detective Robbins is back, sitting in the corner of the living room, eyeing me like I'm some sort of criminal. I try to ignore her as I walk past and into the kitchen.

When I glance in the sink, expecting to see that giant pile yet again, all of the dirty dishes are gone. Mom. She must have cleaned them last night. I smile to myself, knowing that she's here and always watching out for me.

I pour myself a double serving of coffee, then walk over to the living room and turn on the TV. Perhaps there's an update on Emerald.

I sit back in the chair and flip through the channels until I find the news. I wait a couple of minutes, watching the weather updates, news about Syrian refugees, and a car accident on the freeway this morning. But then I see her face – that same photograph I gave to the police the night she went missing – and I sit up straight. I turn up the volume and listen to what they're saying.
"Police continue to investigate the disappearance of six-month-old Emerald Waters who went missing from her home Thursday evening. The Davenport Police Department released a statement early this morning stating that they still do not have any solid leads on the case. They are asking anyone who may have any information to contact the police at the phone number listed at the bottom of the screen."

After a few minutes, the screen changes and a blonde woman appears to talk about the presidential elections. I turn my head and stare at Detective Robbins. A laptop rests on her legs, she's typing something.
"Did you stay awake all night?" I ask her.
She lifts her head and meets my eyes. "Another officer and I took shifts. I've only been here a few hours."
I nod my head. "Any updates?"
"No, sorry." She says.

An hour later the doorbell rings and I jump from my seat, thinking its Gerard with an update. I do admit, I'm still angered by his accusations yesterday. Though, I can't completely blame him. It is partially my fault that they had to restrain me here. Nonetheless, I still feel the slightest sense of abandonment from him. Perhaps it was because he was the only one who showed me an ounce of compassion the night she was taken. And now I feel as though everyone has turned on me. He was my last hope, and now not even he believes me.

I walk to the door in six big strides. When I unlock the door and pull it open, I'm completely taken back to see who's standing there.

It's my brother, Liam. Lianna, Sophie and Clayton stand slightly behind him. "Hey, sis," he says, forcing a small smile.
"Liam. What are you doing here?" I pause. "Please, come in." I stand back and hold the door open as they all enter the house.
"What do you mean, what am I doing here? My niece is missing. I came to be here for you."
"Did someone call you? Did mom and dad tell you to come?"
"Can't you just be happy that I'm here and accept that?" He stares at me. "Give me a hug, it's been ages." He leans in and wraps his arm around my neck. Just like old times.
My parents must have heard his voice because before our new arrivals can even get their shoes off, my parents are hurrying down the hallway, coming right at us.
"Liam, honey!" My mother grins as she walks over and embraces her son. She then makes her rounds, giving Lianna a kiss on the cheek, picking up Sophie and Clayton for a hug and kiss.
We walk together from the doorway into the living room where I was just sitting, alone. Clayton chases Sophie around the coffee table and the adults stand around awkwardly before I motion for everyone to sit.
"I'm so sorry, Cordelia," Lianna says. "I can't imagine what you're going through."
"Thank you. It's been really hard these past couple of days."
"And months, I bet." She says. I eye her, wondering what she's implying.
"Yes, the last couple of months have been difficult. But I'm much better now. Well, until Thursday, that is."
She shakes her head. "I'm at a loss of words. I can't even begin to fathom how I'd feel if one of them were taken from me." She pauses, holding a fist to her mouth. "I don't even want to think about that."
Liam reaches out and places his hand on top of hers, but doesn't say anything. Then he looks up at me. "Is Colton here?"
"No, he went back to Evanston. Did you want to see him?"
"No, I –" he stops. "I mean, if he was here, then, yeah, I wouldn't... sure."
We all stare at him. "Alright," I say, then clear my throat. "Can I get anyone coffee or tea? Water maybe?"
"No you sit, Cordelia," Lianna says, prepared to stand. "You've been through enough. I'll get the drinks."
"No, really, it's fine." I insist.
"Let her do it," Liam says to his wife. "Really."
I turn from Liam and stare at her, waiting for an answer. "I'll have some water," Lianna says. "And maybe some juice for the kids."
"Of course. Liam?"
"Sure. Coffee's fine."
I head back over the kitchen to get the drinks. I pass Detective Robbins again and she's staring at me. It's only now, in this dusk morning light, that I notice how crystal blue her eyes are. She could almost be pretty if she wasn't so rude.
"What?" I say to her.
She looks back down at her laptop. "Nothing."
I glance back at my family who sit there awkwardly attempting to make small talk. "Do you have a problem?" I ask. "Am I not allowed to have family over?"
She laughs slightly then shakes her head. But she doesn't answer me.

I sigh and head over to the coffee machine. Perhaps I should call Colton.