Until Proven Innocent

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

AFTER
Weston Waters
Friday May 19, 2016

This is a nightmare. I'm living my real life nightmare. The thought that something like this could ever truly happen never crossed my mind. You see it on the news all the time, but you never actually think something that horrible could happen to you.

It's surreal. I've been in a state of shock since I found the crib empty last night. Why? The question I keep asking myself, over and over again. But no one's going to answer me. Nobody knows why.

From the moment I walked through the door and saw that empty crib, my heart was ripped out of my body. I didn't know it was humanly possible to feel such immense pain. I didn't know what to think. Did Doctor Wyatt come over and take her out? Is she on a play-date? Did she have an appointment I was unaware of?

My spirit remained hopeful – that perhaps my fear was a mistake and everything was fine after all. I was just being a paranoid father. But when I saw Cordelia asleep on the couch... Something inside didn't feel right. And when she was just as clueless as I was about our daughter's whereabouts, the dread was back.

My initial thought – which partially remains in my mind today – is that Cordelia did something to our baby. It's the most likely possibility out of everything that could have happened. She's been better the past two months, no longer crying and having meltdowns on a regular basis. She was better. I honestly believed that she was cured.

I guess no one can truly be cured from something that extreme. But regardless of all the trauma she went through, how could she have done something to her own child? Was her state of mind that bad that she finally had enough? Did she snap? Drop Emerald? Strangle her? Smother her with a pillow?

I can't help but envision the worst. Cordelia kneeling over Emerald's tiny lifeless body, unsure of what to do next. The chills run down my spine just thinking about it.

Did she kill our daughter? I'd like to believe otherwise. But how can I be sure? I don't even know her anymore. And she doesn't even know me.

I've been driving around since early this morning, trying to think and clear my head. What can I do to help my baby? Is she even alive right now?

I feel like a failure, letting her down when she needs me the most. I'm her father for God's sakes, I'm supposed to be there for her! But where was I when something happened to her?

The hardest part is simply trying to analyze the situation and distinguish between what I think happened, and the truth. Is it a possibility that Cordelia killed our daughter? Yes. And that frightens me. But there could be other factors involved. What if she was kidnapped? Who would do such a thing, take a six-month-old baby from her crib?

It's not fair. Why did this happen to Emerald? She's so small and innocent. I yearn for the power to do something about this. If only I could fly to her, scoop her up in my arms, tell her that daddy's here and everything will be all right. But I can't do that.

The feeling of anxiety has been pressing in my chest since yesterday morning after Cordelia's latest break down with Savannah. I thought she was fine. I truly and honestly believed that. Could something have happened after I left? Did she have a break down and do something to Emerald? Could all of this be my fault? I should have never left her alone with our daughter. I slam my hands down on the steering wheel and try to fight back the tears as they come.

I haven't spoken to Rosella since last Wednesday at the coffee shop. God, just thinking of her brings back memories of the terrible conversation.

We left things on a bad note. She's pissed, I get that. But it's not my responsibility anymore. I told her what I thought we should do – the right thing to do – and she didn't listen. That's not my fault. If she wants to keep the baby, then by all means, she can. I told her it won't be possible for me to take part in the child's life. She has to understand that. I told her what we were getting ourselves into from the beginning. I have a wife. I have a daughter. If Cordelia ever finds out about the affair, she'll take Emerald away from me. I know she will. It will break her. I can't do that to either of them. I may not have been the best man in the past, or even now, but I can be a good father to Emerald. I have to.