CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

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BEFORE
Rosella Collins
Wednesday May 10, 2016

Antonia's Story

Antonia was the greatest person I ever knew. Kind-hearted, friendly, determined. She was more than just a sister – she was my best friend. The sole person who I could share everything with. The person who was always there for me through thick and thin. The person I relied on the most. She may have been younger than me, but I looked up to her so much. She always knew what she wanted to do with her life, having ambitions bigger than I ever dreamed. She was going to be a lawyer. She wanted to bring justice to people who deserved it. Ironic, isn't it? She was far too young to be taken from this world. Only twenty-years-old when she took her own life. And it's all his fault.

This is the story of my sister, Antonia Collins, and the reason she ended her own life: Weston Waters.

Let me tell you about him so you understand what he did and why he is to blame. Antonia met him during her first year at Northwestern. He was cute and charming and she thought it was love. They dated for a couple of months, off and on, but she always suspected he was secretly seeing other people. She didn't want to believe it was true because she was so in love with him. But there was no denying what kind of man he was.

But then, in June, just after her first year of university was finishing, she told me that she was pregnant, and that the baby was his. It had to be – he was the only one she had been with. And when she tried to tell him, he disregarded her. He said that she knew his family had money, and that she was lying to get money from him. But as the months progressed and her stomach began to expand, it was clear that she wasn't lying.

She would cry to me at night because she didn't know what to do. She couldn't raise the baby on her own. Our family didn't come from a lot of money and our parents weren't supportive of her choice to keep the child. She was running out of options. And that man didn't even do anything to help. He refused that the baby was his. Said he couldn't be forced to pay child support. What a despicable excuse of a man.

So then, on February fourth, 2005, she gave birth to a little angel. She didn't have a name for her at first. I told her that she didn't need to rush. That she could wait and figure it out in time. But that time never came. Because only two short weeks after the baby was born, Antonia, my best friend and only sister, killed herself.

She overdosed on a bunch of pills. Left the bottle on the nightstand. I didn't believe it at first. How could she do such a thing? And why? I was convinced that she was murdered. That somebody broke into our home and forced the pills down her throat.

But a few days later, they found the suicide note under the baby's crib. She explained in the note how she couldn't do it; couldn't handle being a mother. It was all too much for her. The doctors said it was postpartum depression. But Toni wasn't depressed – she had simply run out of options. The real reason she killed herself? Weston. He didn't support her or give her any money. No wonder she thought she couldn't do it on her own! I knew it was his fault. I knew it from that moment on. At the bottom of the note, my sister said the baby's name was Clementine.

My parents and I raised Clementine together for the first few years of her life, just until I could get my schooling and finances figured out. I finished my four years at DePaul University with a Bachelor of Science in nursing. I did my placement at Northwestern Memorial where I specialized in births. Once I had my life sorted out, I legally adopted Clementine and she became mine.

I raised Clementine to the best of my abilities. We moved on from the trauma of the past and created a good life for ourselves. But I never forgot what that man did to my sister. It's his fault, and his fault only, that she is gone. No longer will I remain silent and take this secret to the grave. It's time to expose that man and the truth that I've been holding onto for eleven years. It's time to finally bring justice to my sister.

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