Who We Used To Be // h.s

33

Emma.

The second Harry left this morning I was anxious. He had asked over and over if I was sure I'd be okay and I told him over and over that I would be.

But now I'm here, sat alone at my laptop, I wondered if I was. Alex has officially started nursery. He now goes every morning 8am-12:30pm. I thought I'd find it hard but it's actually a little bit of a relief especially when I feel low and have a bad day of missing dad.

Chloe had been brilliant fetching him and keeping him occupied while I catch up on work and finalise some things from dad. I also had to have bank meetings about transferring the money over. I wasn't really aware that handling millions could be such hard work. The fact that in a few weeks I'd have millions to my name was extremely scary.

Also, I was having Skype meetings with dads office in Manchester about taking over the company and sort of picking up where dad left it. His managing directors were very subtle and also sensitive towards me which I appreciated.

Also, Daniella and I had lunch and a catch up at the office, she couldn't make it to dads funeral but she did text me the morning of and call me that night to make sure I was okay. Her mum wasn't well so Daniella went with her to have some scans done which happened to fall on the same day as the funeral, I understood completely and would have done the same for my mum too. Luckily, her mum is okay, the tests came back clear and she was given a course of antibiotics.

Daniella and I also had a talk about the office and decided now that she was fully established as a hair stylist by herself and I'd be off on tour with Harry for most of this year, we've put forward our notice in on the office space. We decided why keep it and rent it when I'd barely be here and it was too big for just her. So, in four weeks time we'd be out of there.

So the fact Harry was now on a flight across the Atlantic to find out whether his ex is pregnant with his child did slightly push me over the edge a little.

Gemma: You ok? I know H has gone to NYC today x

E: Quite anxious but I'll be okay. X

G: Meet me for lunch? I'm SO hungry, x

E: You are my mood always. Notting Hill at 1? X

G: Perfect x

I check Chloe is okay with taking Alex to toddler group after nursery before getting on with some more work.

"Are you sleeping okay?" Gemma asks sipping her ice tea.

"I'm sleeping okay but I know with Harry gone it'll be quite broken."

"Yeah I'm like that when Michal is away,"

"It makes me feel so dependant and annoying," I sigh. "But at the same time I can't help it, it's weird."

"You two are just.. meant to be, I mean it wouldn't be weird if you two moved in together,"

I tilt my head. "You think?"

She shrugs. "It's going to happen eventually,"

"I just want this baby drama done and out the way," I sigh playing with my food.

"What will you do if it's his?"

"I've had the scenarios going round in my head, preparing myself for when he says 'yep, it's mine' but also the 'it's not mine'."

"If I was in this situation with Michal I'd be really upset for him because obviously you know that a baby is a lot of work, but I'd also be happy that he gets the privilege of being a parent like a child if a gift. I think the way you've got to see it is that, he loves you and even if that child is his, he's still going to love you, the child won't change anything."

I didn't want to overload my brain and think more than I already have because I was certain I was sending myself crazy.

"He'll have to be in New York for like the first three months solid. He won't want to miss anything,"

"Go with him."

I stop and look at her. "What?"

"You've got money, you don't have to work. Go with him. Alex can go to like a temporary daycare over there for however long. What's holding you back?"

I'd never thought of it like that. "But this is for him and Cameron to sort out."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean you have to stay in London does it?"

"You have a point,"

She smiles proudly.

"Don't do that, you look like your brother."

Gemma laughs. "That's because we're both smug arses."

The following day I practically spend my day laying in bed, researching things and having more Skype calls with Manchester which was quite annoying because I had to get the top half of me dressed and put a bit of makeup on to look human.

I didn't feel like myself all day at all and I knew it was because in the back of my mind I was thinking about Harry.

We spoke on FaceTime for a good two hours last night when I got in to bed, he talked me through his day and was happy I'd spent mine with Gemma.

I made myself some lunch before deciding on giving myself a break and watching Bride Wars. A classic chick flick that I knew would take my mind off of the whole day.

That evening after I bathed Alex I was reading him a story when my phone rang.

"Hey babe," I smile on the FaceTime. "Just reading Alex a story," I hold to phone away so Harry can see the both of us.

His smile is wide as he waves at Alex who laughed when he saw Harry. They didn't see each other yesterday as Harry left before Alex woke.

"Daddy!" Alex calls excitedly as he points at Harry.

The both of us stare in shock for a moment, he's never called harry that before and we've never referred to him as that before. I wasn't sure where he got it from.

"How are you my boy?!" Harry asks, dismissing Alex's slip up.

"Night night book," Alex held up the book to him.

"Mummy reading you a story?"

Alex nods.

"Aren't you lucky? Wish Mummy would read me one,"

I laugh. "Did you get the results?"

Harry swallowed. "Yes.."