air catcher- phan

thirteen

[Dan]

I think I'm going to have another breakdown.

I'm not prepared.

This is too big.

I can't do it.

The floor gave way under my feet and I fell on my knees. In the mirror I could see the mess that I was. I had been so concentrated on getting my hair perfectly straight that some of the ends had been burnt. The rings of blue and purple from a lack of sleep were even more prevalent. Sleep was impossible to catch when your mind is always on edge. 

I felt the red bloom across my face as pained coughs escaped. Fumbling blindly, I somehow managed to grab my air catcher and retrieve my stolen breaths. 

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

Better.

Remember what Phil said.

"I believe in you."

"If they don't... I'll be here."

"Love you, bear."

In.

Out.

I lifted my head to see myself in the mirror.

I'm ready.

The doorknob was hard to grasp in my uncomfortably moist hand. (Please don't think that's sexy. It's not.) I wiped my hand on my jeans and finally managed to twist it open and step into the hallway. 

Paranoia and common sense argued inside my head as I went down the stairs. An uncomfortable feeling of tightness crept across my shoulders and down my arms. Shivery bursts coursed through my body. My fingers trembled. All too common.

I paused before going into the kitchen. I could see everyone, but they couldn't see me. I saw my mum, scooping pasta into a serving bowl. I saw my dad, engaged in a conversation with my brother. 

Suck it up, buttercup.

In, out, one last time.

I put my right foot forward and stepped into sight. My mum saw me walk past and sit down in a chair at the table. 

"Glad I didn't have to yell up the stairs to get you to eat with us this time," she said.

"I could smell the pasta," I chuckled, serving myself some salad.

She joined us at the table, setting down the bowl of pasta.

We piled our plates with mom's great cooking and began to eat. Well, everyone except me. I could barely eat. My stomach felt like pigeons were swarming inside. An imaginary weight pressed down on my chest. It was imaginary in appearance, but not in pressure.

The conversation was carried back and forth across the table. Dad asked my brother about what he was doing in school. Mom shared a story about a work fiasco. I was only catching snippets of their chatter as my mind buzzed with nerves.

"Dan, you've been strangely quiet all this time. Anything you want to talk about?" Dad asked me.

I quietly sighed to myself. This was my moment. Everything in the past was meeting at this very point, ready to spill. 

It was time. 

"Um, actually, y-yeah, I do," I replied. 

"Oh, what is it?" Mom asked. 

"Um, I... I have a date." 

A sharp intake of breath came from around the table. 

"OOOOOOHHHHH!" My brother shouted.

"Who are they?" Dad wondered. 

"Well, I-I think..." What did I think about Phil? I thought for a moment, then told them everything. 

"I think they would beat the moon in a pretty contest. 

Their laugh... is like music, provoking so much beautiful emotion. 

And their eyes... oh, their eyes, they're the colour of the sea at low tide, gentle, yet bright. Like the skies of summer. 

They're just so sweet, a-and beautiful, and-" 

"Yeah, Dan, just tell us the name of this lovely mystery girl," Adrian interrupted. 

This was it. 

"Well, um, here's the thing- 

they're not a girl. 

They are a boy. 

A charming, compassionate, adorable boy by the name of Phil Lester." 

A soft pause hung around the table. Actually, it wasn't too soft. It was like the feeling of sleeping on an air mattress. The other, lighter people feel the softness, whereas I, weighted down with nerves, sank to the ground. 

Barely audible, I whispered, "Please don't be mad." 

Eyes closed, nearly to tears, I slouched down, as if to hide myself. 

My words hung around my mind in a sea of black. It was my only wish from them. 

Please.

Don't. 

Be. 

Mad.

Suddenly a warm figure began to lift me out of the darkness. Another pressed into my back, carrying me further. Instead of a dark, black world, everything was being painted a warm yellow, like a lightbulb. 

I then realized it was my family, crowding around me, hugging me tight. 

Then my mom said five words that took all the black away, and my world resonated with the yellow glow.

"Why would we be mad?"

AAAAHHHHH CHEEZ WHIZ. 

Finally. It's finished. 

After a month of procrastination and business, I, Izzy Not-Going-To-Reveal-My-Last-Name, have finished this chapter. 

Hallelujah. 

sorry about the not-so-micro micro-hiatus. I was just... out of inspiration.

BUT THIS IS NOT THE END OF AIR CATCHER

I HAVE MORE TO COME 

BE PREPARED

I LOVE ALL OF YOU 

SEE YA NEXT CHAPTERRRRR 

~izzy