air catcher- phan

six

(continued from five)

"Hey, it's alr-" I stopped myself from saying it was alright. It really wasn't.

We sat together in silence, leaning against the wall. I clutched Phil's hand tightly as he sobbed. Questions buzzed around my mind like angry bees. Fortunately, I had a fly swatter, and forced them away for now.

I gently took his wrist, being careful not to touch any scars, and placed it on top of my knees. Phil smeared the tears off his face to see what I was doing.

I saw three scars close together, slightly tilted towards a blue vein in his arm. The red stood out in a miserable sort of brightness.

"I nearly cut to the... to-the soft point," he told me in a voice that I could barely hear, "that w- that would have k-killed me."

What he saw was different from what I saw. Everybody had said I had an artistic mind, so I put it to good use. I held out the Sharpie and uncapped it. He gave me a strange look as I carefully placed his arm on top of my knee. I drew a little dot by where the scars would have cut into, then three similar lines on the other side.

"See? Not scars anymore. They're cat whiskers."

A ghost of a grin flashed across his face. I passed him the marker and said, "Here. Now you try."

"B-but I'm not- not good at-"

"It doesn't matter. Just draw. Quality isn't always the most important thing. Sometimes it's just the fact that you're trying."

He accepted the marker and searched for inspiration. Then he began to draw around four straight cuts. A little body with a tail, a fluffy head...

"Do you like it? It's... supp- suppos- supposed to be a l-lion," he told me, revealing his finished drawing.

"That's great!" I said enthusiastically, hoping to lift his spirits. "I draw on my arms too, just not over cuts." I turned my arm over to show him the pattern of swirls. He stared in awe.

"Th-that's beautiful," he whispered.

"Thanks, they're really nothing much," I replied.

It was just then that I actually got a good look at him. His oceanic blue eyes were focused in concentration as he began another drawing. They all seemed to be animals. His pale hand spread the marker's ink across what would be a zebra when he finished the stripes. He, I assumed, was right handed because that was the hand he drew with. I, quite literally on the other hand, was a lefty.

His pale skin was almost the colour of the white brick walls. Little marks other than the scars speckled it. The only way he stood out was with his clothes and hair. Now that I think about it, Phil is quite vampiric in appearance.

But do vampires have a heart overflowing with compassion?

"Hey, you've made a zoo!" I perked up when I saw what he had made. All sorts of animals spanned the entirety of his forearm. They ranged from a giraffe with two long cuts for a neck to a little hedgehog made from several small ones in a cluster. Instead of pain, I saw creativity and beauty. "See what happens when you look on the bright side?"

A smile spread on his face, but he shook his head, smearing it off like an Etch-a-Sketch.

"This is too ch-cheesy, you're... you're joking me."

I sighed. Just when I thought we had the same way of looking at it. But that true smile, even for the fraction of a second it lasted, was beautiful.

"So, um, would you mind... telling me why?" I asked.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

I waved a hand at his scarred wrist.

No! That's too personal, you walking mistake!

"I mean, it's perfectly okay with me if you don't want to tell me, I-I understand," I said.

Phil sadly nodded and took a deep breath.

"Dan, I- I hate... myself. I st-st-stutter, and... and my family ha-hates me... and- and- I- want to... just, want t-to die. I've tried, b-but nothing he... helps. This... is m-my last resort. All my th-thoughts just melt when... when my blood pours." 

He shut his eyes and waited. It took me a while to process everything he said. 

"So... you feel better when you hurt yourself?" I asked.

"K-kinda."

Tears brimmed in his eyes. My mind was overflowing enough to drown out thoughts of the best way to help him, so I wrapped him in a hug. It always helped me when I was down. His head rested on my shoulder, leaning against the side of mine.

"It's okay." I whispered. "You... don't need to hurt to know how much the world needs you."

It was if a dam cracked, and more sobs burst from the boy on my shoulder. I could feel the fabric of my jumper be pulled into his fists.

We sat in the hall for a while. It was only us. Phil holding onto me for support like a life raft. Me, almost floating away. All of his sadness poured out over my shoulder, but i didn't mind.

It was crazy. Me, Dan, the boy with anxiety, asthma and all sorts of other impending doom. Him, Phil, a boy so sad it took away my problems. We were both insane, but insanities attract.

Eternity ended and finally Phil was back on land and didn't need me to keep him afloat. His grip loosened away and his warm body was lifted off mine. His face and eyes were red, but a smile of- well, something- sat on it. The blue eyes I drowned in were brighter, as if the tears had been weighing them down.

"Th-hank you... D-Dan," he mumbled.

I wished I could have said more than a feeble "You're welcome." 

I pulled a slip of paper out of my pocket and scribbled down my number on it. 

"Here," I handed the paper to Phil, "if you ever want to talk, just give me a call."

Wait, he stutters! That would be his worst nightmare! Quick, change it so you don't sound stupid!

"Oh, um, you could text me too, I mean, if you don't want to talk talk, I have nothing against texting. Um, just, uh, take the number, if you want to talk," I rambled.

Christ on a bicycle, Daniel, only you know how to make a conversation twice as bad.

Screwup.

"It's- uh- thanks," Phil said. "I'll... c-call you sssssoon."

I smiled at him. He smiled back.

Damn, he's cute.

Wait...

Crap, that was gay.

A.N. AAHH this is one of my favorites so far!! I think I'll take their friendship slower in the upcoming chapters. I wanted a high-action start, you know? I will add some "look forward to the big event" type scenes in the middle though. 

I hope you're liking this so far! Are you?

~Izzy