at eight a.m. someone woke me up. i felt relieved i could finally leave the colourless walls of my cell behind. i was surrounded by guards as they led me to the hall where the others were already seated. they always picked me up last. i walked to my table. someone was already sitting there. she had an expressionless look on her face and she was mumbling to herself. i saw the yellow wristband. schizophrenia. i look down at my own wrist, the black colour the only one in the hall. most psychopathic people were easily treated. i was a severe case, my therapist had said, nothing could change me. a single thought was all it took to light the fire.
like a lion unexpectedly roaring, the voice inside my head woke up and started shouting and screaming. flashbacks from abused, harmed, ripped open bodies, a mum crying in court, the iron mask of his brother, his brother, his brother, his brother, the way his little sister cried, the way her best friend committed suicide, so many lives i took, so many lives i ruined, so many people who deserved what they got. i pushed the guards away and screamed, i screamed as loud as i could in hopes that someone would hear me this time, in hopes that someone could stop the flashing images, in hopes that someone could make me feel something.
a hand brushed mine and immediately, everything fell silent. i still had my eyes closed, but the voice was gone. the images were gone. the feeling of burning rage was gone. i opened my eyes and i saw eyes staring back at me. i heard nothing. i saw nothing but her emerald green eyes. they were a really nice shade of green, and this particular shade I had never seen before. It was kind of dark green with golden-brownish flecks in the middle, around her iris, in the blue area of her eyes. I know I said they were green, but they were mostly green on the outside, a bit more blue-ey on the inside and a dark, black circle surrounding the green. Her eyes were fairly interesting, so interesting it took me a while to realise I was still staring into her eyes.
me: thank you. whatever you did, thank you.
green eyes: you must be here for the interview, right?
me: interview? what interview?
green eyes: yes, my album is coming out this september. i'm very excited for my fans to hear it. i've worked so hard.
me: what are you-
green eyes: i'm sorry, i can't tell you what it's called. i can give you a cheeky exclusive though...
me: i don't understand what you're saying.
green eyes: there's a track on there called gold on there.
me: what.
green eyes: no, gold is not the album title.
me: are you new here?
green eyes: mum can you take care of jackson this weekend?
me: is jackson your son?
green eyes: i have to call mark and tell him that i don't want to go on tour with robin thicke. that rhymes, did you notice?
me: no. because it doesn't rhyme.
green eyes: thanks mum. i will speak to you later.
green eyes left and i was alone, sitting on the ground, with nothing left but the memory of the way her hand felt when it brushed mine. i stood up and looked around. everyone was minding their own business. no one had encountered my meeting with green eyes. i kind of liked it that way. like she was my little secret. she was mine and no one else's. i saw her first. understood? guard 3 sat me down on the uncomfortable wooden bench.
guard 2: i hope you two get along. she's your new cellmate. we're transferring you after breakfast. we will leave you in there for an hour. then you will get to go outside for a walk with guard keogh.
me: what's her name?
guard 2: jessica cornish, i think.
me: that's my name.
guard 2: no it's not. it's her name.
me: whatever.
i took a bite of my carton sandwich and ignored guard 2 for the rest of the time. the first time in 396 days something was different. green eyes was definitely the cause of that. would i finally make a friend in her? was there finally someone who wasn't scared of me? not that i cared. it just gets a bit lonely to be isolated for 1095 days, aka 3 years. after three years i will have to take another test and depending on the outcome they can either keep me here or let me out. i hope they let me out so i can buy a house somewhere in the middle of nowheres of america and live there a psychopathic life on my own. so no one will bother me. god, i hate people. fuck you. each and everyone of you.
why can't people understand how annoying they're being. guard 2 was the one who walked me to my cell. the other three were busy trying to stop crazy simon from killing crazy, fat margo. a lot was changing today. i did not like it. i like to plan things weeks and weeks before it actually happens so i can be sure it all goes the way i want and this was definitely not the way i wanted it to be and it made me feel powerless, a feeling i wasn't used to. i always got what i wanted. always.
guard 2: if you weren't so scary i might actually date you.
me: even if you weren't such a dick i still wouldn't date you.
guard 2: are you gay?
me: i don't have feelings. why would i have feeling for a girl if i don't have feelings?
guard 2: it was a general question. i wasn't asking if liked jessica if that's what you are thinking.
me: it's none of your business anyways. you're just a guard.
guard 2: just a guard who's been guiding you back and forth to your sell for 395 days. yes, i can count too.
me: you don't even know my name.
guard 2: i do. your name is jessica.
me: then who's the other girl?
guard 2: she's the other jessica.
me: when is she leaving?
guard 2: i can't say. the doctors cant say either. she's a severe case, like you. no one really noticed her schizophrenia until she refused to go to her best friend's birthday party. then they found out something was wrong with her.
me: why?
guard 2: she didn't want to go to the birthday party because she was afraid her best friend was conspiring against her and hid a martian bomb in her birthday cake.
me: she's alright. and you're alright, too.
guard 2: i still think you're scary. but yes, you're alright. can you stop calling me guard 2 by the way? i have a name.
me: what is it?
guard 2: dave.
me: hello dave. i'm jessica.
dave: hello jessica.
i smiled at him. was this what friendship was supposed to be like? if so, it wasn't something for me.
