we all got called into the great hall. i grabbed jessica’s hand as we strolled down the hall with one of the guards right behind us, watching our every move. on one of the giant tables in the hall, rita was standing. she was the person who came up with another stupid activity every year. last year, we went into the woods resulting in three ‘prisoners’ escaping. the year before that, we went to scotland and they made us search for the loch ness monster. as if nessie actually exists. i am not a five-year-old anymore. jheeze. i’m a psychopath not an alzheimer’s patient.
rita: okay i have an exciting announcement to make!
everyone fell silent, anticipating her ‘exciting announcement.’ maybe we’re going to look for fairies this year. who knows. crazy simon started running around in circles, banging on his chest like a gorilla. it didn’t unnerve rita.
rita: this year, we’re going to cornwall for a week! hooray! and the best thing is, everyone, that this year each and everyone of you is allowed to take someone from home! we’ve already contacted them and fixed someone for you, and the most exciting part is that we’re leaving tomorrow! yay!
me: yay. fuck off rita. no one even fucking likes fucking cornwall.
green eyes: i like cornwall.
me: that’s why you’re here.
green eyes: huh?
me: you’re crazy. cornwall sucks.
green eyes: no! cornwall is beautiful. i have made amazing memories there as a young jessica.
me: oh. okay.
green eyes: why do you hate cornwall?
me: i’m from cornwall.
green eyes: so?
me: i killed girls in cornwall.
then crazy simon started running circles around us and pretending to be a siren, forcing us to stop talking and start laughing. crazy simon was alright. at least he took jessica’s mind off things. i am kind of grateful he started sirenading us. yes. that was a joke. i hope you laughed because it will probably be the last joke in this book.
the guard’s whom name i never even asked accompanied us to our room, asking us about cornwall.
green eyes: who do you think you are taking to cornwall?
me: no one. i don’t have family. they all hate me and i hate them. who do you think is coming with you?
green eyes: probably my mum.
me: that’s nice of her.
green eyes: my mum is very nice. you will love her, i swear.
i wasn’t afraid that her mum wouldn’t like me. i was sure she wouldn’t like me so i didn’t see the point of trying to get her to like me.
green eyes: actually, my mum once said to me: ‘if your girlfriend isn’t a psycho, she’s not in love with you.’
i laughed.
me: so that means she’ll know i’m in love with you, right?
green eyes giggled a bit.
green eyes: i think she didn’t mean it quite as literal as it turned out.
me: it’s not like she can change it. right?
green eyes: of course not. i love you and only you and nothing can change anything about that.
me: it’s so nice to hear that.
green eyes: my voice?
me: yes. exactly. your voice telling me you love me.
green eyes blushed and looked down at the floor.
green eyes: i love you.
me: it’s my favourite sound in the world now.
green eyes: my favourite sound is the sound of your beating heart, especially when it beats faster when i lean into you.
me: you’re most definitely the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
green eyes: why are you always so mean to people?
me: i told you you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. how is that mean?
green eyes: not that. you’re always so mean to others. so… contemptuous. i don’t like it. why are you only nice to me?
me: because you’re mine.
green eyes: but why do you have to be so mean to the rest? they didn’t do anything wrong.
me: you don’t understand.
green eyes: you better try to explain.
me: you are the sweetest person i know.
green eyes: so?
me: and unfortunately, sweet people get stepped on and that’s why sweet people need someone not-so-sweet behind them to fight off the people who want to take advantage of them.
me: i kinda love you.
green eyes: you kinda love me?
me: yup. i’m a psychopath so i can’t love you. but i can kinda love you. it’s almost the same.
green eyes: what’s the different?
me: kinda loving someone is loving someone yet being slightly afraid to admit it to that person and to themself. so when i say: i kinda love you, i love you, but i can’t say it.
green eyes: i kinda get it.
me: that’s kinda cool.
green eyes: this ‘kinda’-thing is kinda annoying me.
me: it’s kinda irritating me, too.
green eyes: let’s stop this thing, yea?
me: i think that would be a great idea, darling.
green eyes randomly smiled. she did that a lot.
me: what
green eyes: what
me: why are you smiling?
green eyes: am i not allowed to smile randomly?
me: no. tell me why you smiled.
green eyes: you called me darling. it sounds cute when you say it.
me: oh.
green eyes shrugged and i shrugged back at her, making it seem like her smile didn’t set off a thousand fireworks inside me.
me: are you excited to go to cornwall?
green eyes: kinda. it would be nice to visit the beach.
me: we could take a beach walk together.
green eyes: in that case; yes, i’m looking forward to cornwall.
me: you like beachwalks?
green eyes: it’s kinda my favourite thing to do.
me: do you want to know what my favourite thing to do is?
green eyes: but of course.
me: my favourite thing to do is making you smile.
green eyes smiled. mission accomplished.
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a/n: only four chapters left of this one! i am already working on the sequel... it's definitely coming this time, though it will obviously be different from this. more about that later!
