someone woke me up. it wasn’t eight. i opened my eyes and saw green eyes. she woke me up. why did she woke me up?
me: why did you wake me up?
green eyes: i’m scared.
me: very clever to wake up the lion if you’re scared.
green eyes: the lion?
me: that’s what i call the voice inside my head.
green eyes: can i lie with you?
me: that’s against the rules
green eyes: rules are meant to be broken, right?
me: not these ones. these are for or own safety. i don’t want to accidentally choke you in my sleep or something else psychopaths do when they sleep.
green eyes: you care about me?
me: no. i appreciate you. that’s something totally different.
green eyes: you appreciate me.
me: less than caring, more than respecting.
me: do you have those nightmares often?
green eyes: every night.
me: what happens in your nightmare?
green eyes: i’m alone. my whole family wants nothing to do with me anymore. my heartbeats hate me. the days drag on. no one likes me. im all alone in a big, white room, and there’s a glass window, and people are looking at me. they’re laughing at me because i’m different. because i’m crazy. and i knock on the window, i beg them to let me out, to let me be me and let me be free but all they do is laugh louder and then it all changes. im on the edge of a cliff. im holding hands with someone, but i can never see their face. i look forward and a man clothed in a big, black cloak approaches us. i look death right in the eyes. he tells me that one of us has to die. i ask him why. he answers with fate. i tell him to take my life. he shakes his head. he grabs the other person’s wrist. he tells me it’s destined to be them. i try to scream, but i can’t. i am still holding their hand. death pushes her off the edge. their hand slips out of mine. death disappears. and i’m left with nothing but the grief of losing someone i loved.
me: that’s pretty depressing.
green eyes: that’s why it’s called a nightmare.
me: because mares are bloodcurdling.
green eyes: they are when they’re randomly in your room at night.
i chuckle.
me: i guess that would be petrifying.
green eyes: see?
it’s silent for a moment.
me: i’m hungry. what time is it?
green eyes: i don’t know. they took my phone and my watch.
me: damn it.
me: who brought you here?
green eyes: i did.
me: on your own initiative or…?
green eyes: my mum told me that here i will get all the peace and quietness i need to heal.
me: how did they find out that you’re different?
green eyes: because apparently, i zone out a lot and have pointless conversation to people who don’t exist. and because my own best friend was conspiring against me with the martians and apparently that was irrational. so they took me to a doctor and he gave my mum a brochure and then my mum said i should go. so i went.
green eyes: what about you?
me: i think i’ve already told you. i sacrificed the 66 most beautiful virgins of my high school to satan. i got caught when they found a black book in my locker which described the whole plan and had a name list with all the victims on it. i had to go to court and they asked me questions and i answered truthfully. then they brought me to a psychiatrist who took a test and decided i was definitely a psychopath. and now i am here.
green eyes: i still don’t understand why you killed 66 girls.
me: they were pretty. they had to die.
green eyes giggled, and hang her head down, but still looking at me via the corner of her eyes.
me: what
green eyes: you amaze me.
me: that’s against rule 13. i can’t amaze anyone.
green eyes: why not?
me: because it raises expectations. icould be dangerous. i don’t want to hurt you.
green eyes: why not?
me: you’re too pretty.
green eyes: those 66 girls were pretty too.
me: you’re a different kind of pretty.
green eyes: how?
me: you’re not the kind of pretty they were. your soul is pretty. their face was pretty.
green eyes: i think that’s against rule 1.
me: it is. but you were right. rules were meant to be broken. if i don’t hurt you, i can like you.
green eyes: are you sure?
me: no. the only thing i’ve ever been sure of is that killing those girls was the only option.
green eyes: but why was it?
me: they were pretty. and the voice in my head said it. you don’t question the voice. you obey the voice.
green eyes: that’s not very logical.
me: it is to me. i guess you have to be a psychopath to understand.
green eyes: oh.
she frowned and lifted her head back up, now looking directly into my eyes.
me: you have nice eyes. and before you ask, no, i don’t care that’s it against rule 7, to never admire someone else.
green eyes: who came up with those ridiculous rules anyways?
me: i did. and they’re not ridiculous. they could save a life.
green eyes: i think they’re ridiculous.
me: i think you’re ridiculous.
green eyes: no you don’t. saying what you really think of someone is against the rules so you put up an iron mask and pretend to not appreciate anyone but i know you appreciate me and i know you appreciate dave.
me: how do you know dave?
green eyes: i overheard you two talking yesterday, just before you entered our cell.
me: oh.
green eyes: i mumble in myself. i’m not always crazy.
me: i really appreciate you.
