i fell backwards into the sand.
me: i’m exhausted, i don’t think i’m able to walk much further.
green eyes: don’t be such a wuss, jess.
me: lie with me.
she lied down next to me.
green eyes: and now?
me: and now we wait.
green eyes: for what?
me: for me to gather my courage.
green eyes: what? i don’t understand.
i sat up.
me: i’m meeting your mum soon.
green eyes: yea? she doesn’t bite.
me: i know. but i want… i want to tell you something.
green eyes: go on, enlighten me.
she smiled her smile and sat up too.
me: so… i kinda… fuck it. jessica, i love you. and rita was right.
green eyes: what!?
me: nothing lasts forever.
green eyes: but our love can, right?
green eyes: right?
me: i’m not sure. which is why…
i pulled the small box out of my coat’s pocket.
me: i bought you this.
i handed her the box, and she was stunned as she took it from me. she slowly opened the box, and lifted the necklace up into the air.
green eyes: it’s absolutely beautiful, thank you so much, jess!
me: you’re very welcome my dearest jessie. turn around, i’ll put it on.
she turned around, and obviously, i put it on.
me: i have exactly the same one.
i showed her my gold chain, also with the name jessie in fancy writing.
green eyes: shit, that’s really cool.
me: i know right?
i jumped up and stuck out my hand to help her up.
me: c’mon, we’re going for a walk.
she held onto my hand as we started walking along the beach.
green eyes: it’s beautiful here, isn’t it?
me: it sure is. but not quite as beautiful as you.
green eyes: i never expected you to be so cheesy.
me: i’m not cheesy; i’m honest.
green eyes: you’re very cheesy. but it’s okay, i like it.
me: whatever. you’re weird.
green eyes: shut up, you’re weirder.
me: no i’m not!
green eyes: you so are.
me: tell me something.
green eyes: what do you want to hear?
me: tell a story. about you. when you were younger.
green eyes giggled to herself as she thought of a good story.
green eyes: okay, okay. but you’ll have to tell me something afterwards okay? okay. so. when i was about seven, i was helping my mum in the garden. i was very curious, so with every plant we planted i asked if we could eat it. we couldn’t, of course, they were mostly flowers. like tulips and stuff. so then i found a worm. and i asked my mum if it was possible to eat it. and she said yes. so i put it in my mouth and ate it. and i actually swallowed it!
i laughed and ruffled her hair.
green eyes: wait, it gets better, it gets better! a few moments later, my mum asked me what happened to the worm so i told her i ate and then she screamed and ran away to get my dad and they were trying to get me to throw up because my mum thought worms gave you nasty diseases and stuff. but i was fine.
me: god, that’s horrible! why would you eat it?
green eyes: blame my mum, she told me you could eat them!
me: yeah, but you actually stuck it in your mouth!
green eyes: i was seven!
me: seven year olds are capable of thinking rationally.
green eyes: tell me something about your youth!
me: my parents hated me because i was always out. i liked climbing trees, and playing football, and i always came home with ripped clothes and dirty skirts and dresses and my parents didn’t like it because they wanted me to be a classy girl. as i grew older, the wall between my and my parents grew thicker. they worked loads and were barely home, so my au pair basically raised me. anna was her name. she was from switzerland, her accent was funny. she was okay.
green eyes: that’s pretty messed up.
me: that why i’m so messed up, i suppose.
green eyes: you’re not messed up.
me: whatever.
green eyes: we’re all a little broken, but that’s okay.
me: not everyone is broken.
green eyes: why are you acting so weird?
me: i’m not acting weird.
green eyes: you’ve been acting different ever since we’re in cornwall.
me: i grew up here. i hate it. i hate being back here. it reminds of everything that happened. and i don’t want to be reminded of that; i want to move on. i’m different now. i’m in a better place. i feel good.
green eyes: maybe it is good to be here. maybe you can find closure.
me: i don’t need closure. i need you.
me: thought closure would be great too.
green eyes: in five minutes, you’re meeting my mum.
me: i know.
green eyes: are you nervous?
me: no. this is me, you can either like it or not. i’m not going to pretend to be someone i’m not. you just gotta be yourself. if you stay yourself long enough, you’ll become special as a matter of course.
green eyes: just be you.
me: exactly. just be you.
green eyes: where did you learn such things?
me: anna.
green eyes: she’s very wise.
me: was. she passed away when i was thirteen.
green eyes: that’s horrible.
me: it is. and you know what else? it’s also in the past.
green eyes: is that why you’re acting weird?
me: this was her favourite place. i’ve been here so many times with her and i feel honoured to now be able to be here with you.
green eyes: really?
me: really really. you’re very special, jessica.
green eyes: i love you.
she grabbed my hands. i stopped and turned to her whilst entwining our fingers.
me: and i love you.
she kissed my lips. we were perfect.
