Escaping Sorrow

Finally Too Much

That's right, ease your conscience
I'm sure you're desperate to,
Seventeen - almost eighteen years is a long time to hold everything in.
I've dreamed this through and through;
The good things; the bad names;
And mostly yelling at you.
Although, I still always thought it would be better
Than how it feels right now.
Am I fighting you or fighting myself?
Not much can break my fall now.
When I've pictured this it's been horrific,
But there was still more comfort than this.
I always had a list of things you could be,
Horrible things you might have done,
Somehow that list is getting longer,
Am I the only one?

If you expect me to have any faith
Or any confidence at all,
Maybe you'd like to forgive me when I laugh back in your face.
I had a few reasons not to trust men,
But I didn't let that stop me.
It's not like I had relationships to break me;
It was the tales that I've known;
The only facts my mother told
About a man who was supposed to place you;
And the absence of whoever you're supposed to be,
If that's even you.
Common sense said that not all men are like that.
I still believe it, I hope so at least,
But tell me about guys from your town,
Who have been in your types of crowds,
Did the things you seem like you've done,
Who have known the same woman
And I won't apologise for not trusting you.
Especially when the first one
Said loads of optimistic sequences,
Which was only proved out to be bullshit,
Oh wait you are related?
Well then tell me a reason to believe,
When I've already got all of these against you.
I don't want to be the girl that hates men,
That is not me,
And it's not that true either.

Tell me what I want to hear,
When I don't want to hear it,
I'm done with hopeful expectations,
Letting people get away with things,
Because I wanted to be enough.
I'm done with that now,
Too bad I only realise these things,
When it's a bit too late again.

14/8/17