I'm entering dangerous territory,
The pain is getting so easy,
Right now there are no feelings,
But I can see how easily they could begin to trap me,
All this is risky,
The only thing I can do is keep walking
And it scares me:
These are all the things I've never dared to see,
Ripped away before they even got to me.
I'm used to this
Like it's part of my identity,
Yet now I might have to change it,
Who is even the enemy?
If this is dangerous territory,
Then where can I get safety?
Because I've been confining myself
To try and save me,
Now all that is running out in front of me,
A race I'm not involved in:
The true and the false.
I don't want to bet who's winning.
When I'm on my own,
I can get so angry
And imagine saying so many things.
If this is really happening,
Then I'll have to be compassionate
When I've learnt to be so apathetic,
Except I know how things can hurt,
I don't want to make anyone even more worse,
I'll just have to close down my thoughts inside -
The ways I cope and now I'll have to abandon them,
For the better of everyone else,
Even if it feels like it will always torture me.
To be honest I feel like a hypocrite,
Every time I take this up and sit,
These words aren't supposed to be voiced,
No matter how softly they could be put,
They have too sharp edges on them.
So I write all these verses, all the stanzas I do lately,
Then I go out and face the world
Like I'm not writing misery.
Not everyone sees what I mean,
When I make it sound like relationships are breaking or failing,
But real thoughts aren't always kind,
I need my conversations to go fine,
But that doesn't mean everything that's going on is exceeding.
17/9/17
YOU ARE READING
Escaping Sorrow
PoetryA project where I attempt to overcome the absence of an unknown man supposed to shape a father - whatever that is. Putting this out here is a massive step for me because up to a point of last year I hardly even allowed myself to write down the word...
