Escaping Sorrow

The Steps I Take to You

I hate these steps I take to you,
One at a time until I die,
Will I survive?
When will be the last time?

I could try to get it right,
Except I don't know whose getting it more wrong.
Even if I got it right it won't be fine,
Surely?
Because you always stay the same,
You'll deny that once again,
But it's what I didn't try to know.

Only I can see it
And I can't speak it to you,
So what else am I supposed to do?
Keep attempting when everything is failing?
You don't know and I'm not sure I know what it is either,
I just know something's there.

I look to avoid it,
As the inevitable approaches
I am not immune to it.
Don't want to think about it,
Can't anyone else deal with it?

I hate these steps I take to you,
When you're not even there,
I guess it's fair.
So don't start creeping up behind me,
When I don't want you to be there.

I think I knew the truth about you,
Even if I'm not sure who that is,
But out of many people it would still be a fit.
Only then it got a little harder,
Which lead to me trying to pretend it's better.

This gave me an idea
Of what it would be like if you were someone else,
And that they were here.
That was kind of okay,
Because I knew you wouldn't come find me someday.

But hey, times always change,
But I'm quite stubborn
And it's all your fault that you don't know that.
This just means that it's a bit worse than before.

Maybe these people stalk me,
Just to make fun,
Take my emotions for the ride,
Hit me where it hurts every single time.

They know what to say,
And what to do afterwards,
So the nice things they said couldn't be that much worse.

28/8/17