Beneath the Covers / DRAMIONE (COMPLETE)

Payback on Ron

Hermione decided that she hated Ron. Not for any logical reason she could discern, but just for... reasons. And that was why she had set a potentially harmful charm on him. Oppugno wasn't the most lethal of things she could have come up with in the space of time it took to walk from the desk to the doorway. However, she knew it would definitely leave him with scratches, at the very least. Scratches that his dear Lav-Lav would be able to see every day of their budding relationship. She loved being vindictive. And that was why she went to visit the biggest Weasley-hater in the school in the hopes he could cheer her up.

*

Malfoy was still in the infirmary, Hermione had checked. It seemed that Professor Snape still wanted to keep a watchful eye on him, and possibly make sure he wasn't off to curse another student.

"Malfoy?" She asked as she approached the bed. The Slytherin in question was curled up underneath the covers, for want of a better word, bored. To death.

"Hmm?" Was the answer. She took it as confirmation that she could sit down, and so she perched on the edge of the bed.

"Do you have time for a bit of Weasley mockery?" It was a childish question but Hermione was feeling particular petulant at this point in time.

"Of course," came the reply. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well," Hermione begun, "he's being a cocky little git right now, and I wanted to tell someone who also hates him. He managed to not make a fool of himself during Quidditch and then he decided, 'let's be stupid enough to make out with Lavender Brown of all people!' I thought he was vaguely proficient enough to not do something as idiotic as that." She was warming to her theme. "He's an idiot, pure and simple! And, right now, I hate him!"

"Personally, I always knew he was not vaguely proficient enough to avoid Brown like the plague," came the voice under the covers. "But if you say so."

"I also descended to his level, and set a flock of birds on him."

The covers quivered with laughter and did not stop for a full five minutes. Madam Pomfrey eventually exited her office and told Hermione in her most patronising voice that it was indeed past curfew. This did not stop a loud guffaw following Hermione all the way out of the Hospital Wing.

*

Given that Hermione was not speaking to Won-Won, as she now called him, things were much better. She had little rants to Malfoy every evening, and was rewarded with what little bits of information he knew.

"Brown once attended a dinner party of my parents'," Malfoy divulged. "She proved to be a complete disgrace, displaying her embarrassing talent for knowing absolutely nothing about anything. After the dinner, both my mother and my father came up to me separately and said if I ever fell in love with Lavender Brown, I would be attending my wedding in carefully selected pieces."

"Charming," commented Hermione. Malfoy's parents never ceased to amaze her in their quest to alienate their son and be absolute sadists to the entire world.

"I know," Malfoy replied. "But at least I know how they feel about her. There were honest, and honesty is a virtue."

*

Hermione had had many weeks to review her blackmail material. Of course, this was Malfoy's plan, and would obviously not work. Despite this, Hermione decided that she couldn't care less and thought she would go along with the plan, if only to have a bit of fun for the first time in a while. She was going to blackmail Lavender Brown into breaking up with Ron in the most public way possible.

"Lavender?" She asked sweetly. "Could I have a word with you?"

Lavender blinked. "Yes?"

"Brilliant." Hermione hauled Lavender away in a style reminiscent of Rita Skeeter.

*

Hermione frowned, deep in concentration. She never thought it would be so hard to perform the Confundus Charm on such a stupid human being. Cormac McLaggen had been easy at the Quidditch trials.

"You will suggest to Ron Weasley in the Gryffindor Common Room that he is spending too much time with me. When he denies this, tell him, whilst crying and wailing, that you are breaking up with him as he is obviously too involved in me. Then slap him hard and run away crying to be comforted by your new friend: me."

Lavender made no response, but Hermione could only hope it had worked.

*

The night of the action was soon upon them. Ron and Lavender turned up in the common room as planned, and Hermione was not far from them. Lavender followed her instructions perfectly.

"I think you're spending too much time with Hermione Granger." This statement was said overly loudly, and many heads turned. Hermione pretended to blush, but really, she couldn't care less.

"I'm not, I'm not! _" Ron protested.

"You are!" Lavender accused. "You keep ditching me just to hang around with Harry Potter and Granger more. What do you see in her?" This was getting even more dramatic as it went along. Hermione could only guess that Lavender's true nature was making everything even more over-the-top.

"Lav, I promise I'm not!"

"I'm breaking up with you! You're clearly too involved with her!"

"What?"

"Oh, and by the way, she hates you!" Ooh, harsh. True, though.

SLAP.

"Hermione!" Lavender fought her way over to the astonished girl. She hadn't expected it to work. She didn't respond at first when Lavender put her arm round her. Then she came to her senses.

"Let's find Parvati," Hermione said sensibly, "and tell him what a prat Ronald Weasley can be."

"Sounds good," replied Lavender, already over her sixteenth boyfriend. "I mean, what a prat!"

"Yep," Hermione answered, mind somewhere else. "What an idiot."

*****

A. N. By the way, this wasn't meant to get so AU. I just started writing and decided Draco was better as a vindictive, handsome, funny guy hiding under the covers in the Hospital Wing. Also, so that everyone's clear, Lavender has a very clear list of boyfriends. The only reason she's on her sixteenth is this:

1. Draco Malfoy hates her, as evidenced by the mentioned dinner party.

2. Neville Longbottom is pathetic.

3. Harry Potter is someone she's working up to.

4. There are twenty boys in the year if there are five boys in each house.

5. She's moving onto Dean Thomas next.