Random Stuff!!!

Chat 1 - Let's Give This Another Go

Hi.  Nothing's wrong, no need to panic.  I know I do this a lot, but honest, I just wanted to talk.

So.  I've been thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know), but I just wanted to say, hi.  You look lovely today, I'm sure.  How's life?  Good for some?  I hope so.  If not, I hope it gets better soon.

I just wanted to start out with that.  I think that we could all do with just some simple chatting.  I was thinking of just starting us out again.  New year, new start, right?  And I've never really gotten a chance to introduce myself, after all.  I just sort of do tags and linger around in your library.  I just feel like I haven't gotten a chance to connect with all of you, even though I do want to.  Maybe not on a personal level, but we can certainly start to try on some form.

Hi.  I'm Phest.  As you know, it's not my real name, but my friends admit that the pen name I use for myself is quite clever, I'll give myself that.

Unfortunately, that's really just about it.  That's mostly all I'm allowed to give you on a personal level, as you already know my height, favourite colour, and just about anything and everything that the tags ask me.  So why do I do this?

No reason in particular.  I just feel bad.  Guilty, you know?  I wanted to connect with people, but I never have the time (or resources) to do so.  Now I can, but still, I never do.

Let me give this another shot.

I'm Phest.  Pen name, you know.  I write stories, make covers, draw, and play video games for a living.  And by "for a living", I mean when I'm not at school and/or doing other work.  I am the living definition of shy, panicky, and awkward, as are most people when they are around new people.  I play soccer.  House league, nothing cool.  I'm not cool, should I say.  But, hey, that's life.  Some people were just born to stand out.

I have feelings.  Yay, human emotions (except not really).  I feel best when I make people laugh since it's the thing I seem to be best at.  Whenever I see someone smile because of me, I feel normal.  It's a good feeling, it's like you belong.  I often don't feel that, even when I'm at home.  Not because of my family, it's just that I have a hard time connecting with people easily.

I go to school.  I haven't dropped out (yet), and my marks are just about averaging somewhere near a solid mid-to-high 80, even though I tell my classmates otherwise (or at least, the ones that are failing to make them feel better).

I have classmates that I know.  I won't call them friends because we don't know each other that well, but I've gathered enough courage to speak to them once or twice about casual things.  That's how I met 

I talk a lot when I get on a roll.  I was ranting about friendship on this before I decided that I lost my train of thought and deleted it all, but it wasn't very interesting anyway.  When I type formally, I sound like a robot.  When I text or type casually, I sound like a robot trying to not sound like a robot.  When I talk, I'm either a stuttering, stammering mess, or a robot with an embarrassed grin because the music teacher finally noticed me and realized that I was an important member of the orchestra by stating to the whole class what I did wrong.  (He's a cool guy, for the most part.  No hate to him.)  So, yeah.  I tend to freeze up at the best of times and be a smartass at the worst, which doesn't bode too well for me, especially considering teachers.

I have a story to tell you.  Two, actually.  It's quite funny.  They both happened at this party that the music department held at my school the Thursday before Christmas break.  There was karaoke, food, games, and stuff, but that isn't the point.

The first story is that there was a competition was going on inside one of the rooms.  There were three rooms being used, it's a long story, I won't talk about that.  But the competition was that the contestants in a group had to make a snowman out of toilet paper and other things that were put in a plastic bag.  I was perfectly content with not joining since there were a lot of people in that room and I always feel like I'm intruding since I didn't have a group and barely knew anyone participating, so I watched from the sidelines.  However, my male friends wanted to continue playing cards, so I followed them.  Then my teacher, the orchestra (strings) teacher, asked where I was going.  In the past, he's often made fun of my shyness (in all good fun), so I was used to this.  I explained to him that I was just going to (insert male friend's name here because privacy), and he asked why I wasn't in the competition.  I shrugged and said that I didn't like people touching me (since one of the people had to be the "snowman" for it to work).  He then grinned and grabbed my wrist, and pulled me back, saying that I'd just have to deal with it.  I mean, we won and got a bunch of candy, and I'm not even angry at him for that.  It's cool.

The other story is that one of the other teachers that teach music theatre (acting, singing, etc., other stuff), was watching the competition.  This was before my teacher had made me join.  (I feel like I should have told this story first, but this one's funnier, so I left it for last).  One of my classmates, one that I was closer to than the rest, was in, so I shouted to her that a toilet paper strand was falling to let her know.  When I did that, this teacher turned to me and legit gawped at me.  When I asked him what was wrong, he said (these are his words exactly, yes, I remember them), "I've never heard you talk that loud before.  Like, ever.  You project your voice really well.  Good for you".  (He would know, hosting plays, teaching singing, and stuff like that.)  And I'm just there, thinking, "Shoot.  You weren't supposed to hear that.  NOW I CAN NEVER BE QUIET AGAIN WITHOUT HIM KNOWING THAT I'M NOT REALLY LIKE THAT."  All my teachers think I'm quiet and shy, but my friends know that it's not true (at least, when I'm with them).

Also, my music teacher sort of has this vendetta against me being a smartass to him sometimes.  It's funny, but he doesn't take it too seriously.  As in, my marks are slowly dropping, but not because he hates me.  Just because I can't play the viola properly. :')

Oh, yeah.  One more story.  I know, I know, you didn't sign up for this storytime playdate thing, but I'm on a roll, and I've already explained to you guys that I babble for a while.

We had this workshop during music, sometime in November, if I'm not mistaken.  Music, again, I know.  This is why I said the music teacher has something against me in a joking fashion.  So, during this workshop, three classes were in one room.  (Two?  Or three?  Happycutepenguin, verify for me.  It might be two.)  But the classes that had music were all in one room, so I didn't know all the people there.  So, my teacher was the one taking attendance for all the classes.  He called my name, and I responded with a measly, quiet, "Here", as to not draw attention to myself.  That wasn't going to happen on his watch.  He scolded me, telling me I needed to be louder, so I called my name again.  By now, I was pretty flustered, but half-yelled a slightly louder here.  He just smiled and shook his head, commenting on how that wasn't nearly loud enough, yet continued along calling attendance.  A few more names in, and he called my name again.  I didn't know it was me, so he kept calling it one or two more times before I spoke up again.  He then continued along from where he left off.  By that time, I was pretty red in the face with embarrassment, and then he called my name a third time.  By then, I just wanted it to be over, so I just halfheartedly yelled, "Hi", and slouched in my chair.  He accepted this fate and just said, "Finally", and finished the attendance.

Yay.

So, those are those stories.  I might do this more.  This was fun, and I felt like I got something off my chest.  While Mark's over there contributing to society properly, I'm just going to be here, doing my small little part.  You can talk to me.  I'd like to hear your story if you'd like.  Post it and tag me, if you'd like.  Just remember to put the @ symbol, because a lot of people forget to do that and I don't see that they did it.  Just if you want.

I feel like I got something off my chest.  This was almost therapeutic.  Thanks for being here for me.