My Little Angel - Jace Herondale

Emotions cloud your judgement ( 1x08 ) part 1

I felt like shit.

I felt terrible. I was even more tired than yesterday. Why ? Because I cried most of the night.

I couldn't believe that all this was because of Jace. How could someone affect my emotions so much ? I hated that. I didn't want to give him that power, even though I was sure he had no clue of what I felt. I had to be stronger than that. I couldn't let my emotions get the best of me. I had to control them instead of having them controlling me.

To put my thoughts in order, I decided to train this morning. I set my target and prepared my knives. I threw the first one, and then another and another at a speed I didn't know I could reach. Decidedly, I had a lot of things to learn about my abilities.

"You look like you could kill someone right now." I suddenly heard someone tell me.

I looked at the entrance of the training room and found Izzy, staring at me with an expression I didn't want to see on her face. Worry.

"Not someone. Only demons." I answered as I pulled the knives out of the target and walked back to my spot.

"Why are you up so early ?" Izzy asked me.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Is it about yesterday ?"

I frowned. I didn't want to think about yesterday, and yet it felt like I was haunted by that moment. Yesterday was probably the worst moment of my life in the Institute.

"About Clary and Jace kissing." Izzy added which made me throw another knife with so much strength that it perforated the target and went straight into the wall.

I stared at the knife in shock, before I walked up to it and pulled it out. It left a hole in the wall. It wasn't that big but still. I shouldn't have done that. I really needed to control these feelings, before I did something I would regret.

"I don't care about Clary and Jace." I told her quite coldly.

I saw her open her mouth to say something, but we both saw Jace walking in the training room with a frown as he looked at me. He heard me, I was sure of it, but I didn't care.

"Hey Jace." Izzy said.

"Hey."

I pulled the other knives out of the target and put them back on the table. I picked up the sweater that I took off when I started training, and started leaving.

"I'm gonna take a shower." I told Izzy.

It seemed that Jace didn't want me to because he grabbed my arm and stopped me in my tracks.

"Let go." I sighed without even looking at him.

"Still tired ?" he asked me.

I knew he didn't believe me when I told him that the reason I became more distant was because I was tired. Of course it wasn't because of that, but today it was. I was used to being grumpy every time I didn't get enough sleep.

"You know what ? Yes, I am." I answered.

I tried to walk past him but he tightened his grip on my arm.

"Look, about what happened yesterday with Clary...it was nothing." he sighed.

"Oh, it didn't look like nothing when you kissed her back." I said with a hint of jealousy in my voice that even I could hear.

Jace either didn't notice it or decided to ignore it because he continued. "I...I have no excuse for that. But it meant nothing."

I rolled my eyes. "And why exactly are you telling me this ?"