sing ; shawn mendes

Eight

songs that inspired me to write this chapter(I dont know why I tell you. you guys probably dont care lol) :

disconnected - 5 Seconds of Summer

people help the people - birdy

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She loves me back.

I love her so much.

How will this all end, though?

"Shawn?" Elyssa noticed my mood.

"Mhm?"

"Is something wrong?" I looked into those beautiful dark brown eyes.

Yes, something's wrong. You have cancer and all I'm thinking about right now is that what if you lose the fight? What will I do after?

"Nothing, I'm just..thinking." I assured her on a huge lie.

She didn't seemed convinced but didn't push further.

"I.." She stopped herself before recollecting what she was going to say. "I'm gonna go get some water."

"I'll get it." I volunteered.

She waved off and got off of me, quickly jogging outside beforw I could stop her. I watch her disappear out of the room and hear her little feet running down the stairs. She is pretty small for a 15 year old girl. 5'2 is pretty small.

Another thought came to mind. My dream. I mentally had an argument on wether or not I should tell her. I was going to, but the minute she came back, I stopped myself from telling her. How would I tell her anyways?

"Oh, hey I had a nightmare. It was about you dying. No biggie."

That's stupid!

She crawled back to lay dowm beside me, grabbing my hands and playing with my fingers. It was quiet for a moment before she spoke.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if I didn't have cancer."

"Please, let's not talk about you and your cancer. It always brings us down and you know it."

"No, but I'm just curios." She tilted her head up at me to look me in the eyes."I mean, we hated eachother in the beginning. You only stopped hating me because I got it."

She was telling the truth.

"What if I never got it? Do you think we would still be bickering at eachother?"

I thought for a moment. Would we? It was hard to imagine, but she did stop hating me fully when my dad died.

Shivers went down my spine mentioning him in my head. I miss him so much. It was hard growing up without a man teaching me the proper life of being a man.

What would it have been like if Elyssa never got cancer? If my dad had never gotten shot?

I don't even know.

I feel her hand cup my face, making me look at her. Her thumb rubs across my cheek to wipe away a tear I didn't know had been made. Why the hell am I crying?

"What are you thinking about?" She asked in a low voice.

"What if my dad had never been shot? Wouldn't have that changed us in a way as well?"

She thinks about it herself.

"I don't know." She says eventually.

It ended our conversation with that. She knows I hate talking about her cancer and my dad and I know, deeply, she hates talking about it, too.

It wasn't long until we both passed out, her head on my chest; she was playing with my hair earlier so her hand stayed on my head.

****

A habit of both my sister and mom is that every Sunday they go shopping. I usually stay at home and hang out with Elyssa, but she feels sick again and forced me to leave her alone.

Damn her and her ways to make me do things. She was seducing me to go with lots of kisses and that should be illegal.

I walked one way and the girls walked the other; in a store where all guys have boners.

Victoria's Secret.

The last time I went in there, I came out smelling like those girls who spray perfume on their on every freakin spot possible. Hair, chest, shoulder, armpits, fingers, knees, shoes, ankles, toes, and their damn ass and vaginas.

What is wrong with women!

Oh, but excuse me on using the word "vagina" but there is so other way to describe that.

A pasta bowl? I don't know but I'm getting off topic.

I walked in Hot Topic, automatically thinking of Elyssa. She loves to get band T-Shirts here now because they now have shirts of this other band called 5 Seconds of Summer. I don't get why she's obsessed with them, though. All the songs that I've heard from them sound the exact same.

Who's the Asian guy?

Elyssa said that he isn't Asian, but I doubt that. She slapped me upside the head for telling her she's wrong.

"Shawn?" A voice laughed mentioning my name.

I froze by that familiar voice.

Oh god, not today. Not now.

I would've just pretended that I didn't hear him. That I wasn't sure if he called me or not. I tried, really I did, but he was the one who turned me around.

I looked at his mouth curl into a grin.

"Long time no see, eh?" He narrowed his eyes at me. The guys that stand behind him snicker.

Carlos, the 5-year-old Carlos that had pushed me around up to eighth grade. He had to go to a different school when he moved farther away from us, making the bruises that would be made on me disappear forever.

I don't really know what will happen to them now.

____

a/n:

hope you guys like it !

I won't be updating for a week or so on this book.

Don't worry though babes I'll make the next chapter even longer. Promise♥

Thank you for getting 100+ reads on this. It may not seem alot to you but I am GRATEFUL.

Especially on Fuck You/ Love You ! 10K !!! That's just amazing!

Thank You so much!♥

-jackiaa