resplendent *gawsten* ✓

Chapter Twelve

1.19.18
edit: 8.23.20
tw; Self-harm

721 words

geoff p.o.v.

i could see his breathing rapidly increase as i fell on my knees beside him. he pulled his shirt down and curled into himself. he kept a wary eye on me as i put an arm around him. his body went stiff, but he didn't do or say anything else. i used my other hand to lead him to sit on my lap. i held him close as he began to sob into my shoulder.

"awsten, you've been clean for so long." i whispered. "what happened?" he shook his head. i sighed. "you have to talk to me. you, me and otto all watched those razors go down the drain. wha-"

he flinched. "n-not... two weeks c-c-lean..."

my eyes widened. "awsten, that's bad. you-you told us...i thought we flushed all of them..."

the lavender boy sniffed. "k-kept-kept it..."

i held out my hand. he brought his face out from the material of my pajamas shirt. he looked at my open hand and opened his own. he had been clutching the razor so tightly that it had cut into his palm. he choked back a sob as i gently took the little piece of metal.

i took a deep breath. i was about to do something so horrible, i would never forgive myself.

i rolled up my sleeve as awsten watched with wide eyes. "g-geoff, what-what're y-you do-doin'?"

the razor hardly even reached the pale skin of my underarm when awsten slapped the razor away. "don't!" he cried, tears and snot trickling down his face. i held his wrists, not allowing him to push away from me.

"angel, look at me." i said firmly. he shook his head violently. "please look at me! i'm trying to make a point!" my voice cracked. his head snapped up at the sound, and he finally met my gaze. he bit his lip and reached up to wipe his hand under one of my eyes.

i sighed. "that's what it feels like. otto and i felt how you're feeling now when we found out that you self-harmed. you're meaner than your demons."

he shook his head again. "i-i..." he let out a shaky sob and flung his arms around my neck.

"let's just get you to bed, okay?" i suggested. "i need you to tell me the truth. is that the only razor you have?"

awsten nodded nearly right away, and i knew that he was indeed telling the truth. "okay. let's flush the razor and get the first aid kit to treat your cuts."

he sat on the toilet lid blowing his nose after we found the razor and watched it swirl out of sight. he took off his shirt as i searched for the first aid kit. i knelt in front of him before i looked at his damage. i had to close my eyes and recollect myself. i felt awsten's hand on my cheek and leaned into it.

"sorry..." he mumbled.

i opened my eyes to see his heterochromatic ones. "no, petal, it's not your fault. but it is something you can control." i started treating his cuts as i continued speaking. "this doesn't control you, and it doesn't define you. you'll be okay, darling."

he yawned in the middle of his hiss when i rubbed alcohol into his wounds. i kissed the back of his hand. "you tired?"

he nodded drowsily. his head started to fall forward. i lightly pushed my hand against his forehead. he started back awake with a snort, making me laugh.

"come on, sleepyhead. just a few more moments, then we'll get you to your bed." i finished dressing the cuts on his belly and palm and held his uninjured hand. i pulled him up and led him to his room.

i kissed his nose before he crawled under his blankets. i went to walk away, but he grabbed my hand.

"st-stay." he whined. i chuckled. 

"i'll stay by your side all day saturday because i don't work then. i...don't think you should go to school tomorrow. we can have a little date, just the two of us. how does that sound?"

he nodded slowly. i kissed his nose again before i left for my own room. as i laid in bed, i went to the reminders app in my phone.

set up an appointment for daffodil ♡...