resplendent *gawsten* ✓

Chapter Ten

1.19.18
edit: 8.23.20
also also tw; but idk what category im sorry s t a y s a f e. i love you guys
942 words

awsten p.o.v.

i didn't leave my room and studio for a week. the only time i did was to go to the bathroom, and that was when i was sure geoff and otto were gone. i had my door locked and my window locked, so the boys had no chance of getting in.

i ignored my friends when they tried to get me to go to school on thursday morning. i had my guitar down from the attic with me, so i strummed that to let them know i wasn't dead.

i worked on finishing my song worst in my studio. i started it back when i dated ciara. now i figured, why not finish it?

friday was the day for me to recover from finishing worst. the song had seriously taken its toll on me, and i was lost in old blue-violet-black. i laid in the middle of my floor and stared at the ceiling. my head was fucking pounding, so i got up to fill up a cup in the bathroom. i heard otto and geoff downstairs playing mario kart, most likely trying to cheer themselves up.

friday night was painting time, meaning that i turned on a good charlotte cd and painted a mermaid. i didn't know why i decided a mermaid, but i was actually proud of how she turned out.

i went down to the kitchen to get another bottle of heb orange juice late saturday night. i knew otto was spending the night over at grace's. geoff was in the shower. i wanted to join him, but my stomach was telling me to go to my precious heb orange juice, so i went with my gut.

i noticed a pile of papers on the table on my way back up the stairs. i backpedaled and noticed two pink sticky notes on top of the pile. tempted by the lemonade pink, i went over to look at what was written. i had to squint to read otto's tiny handwriting, but at least it was the nicest penmanship i've ever seen, sending a soft, orange creamie taste on my tongue.

awsten,
here. homework. i went ahead to our classes and got the week's homework for you. figured you wouldn't be coming to school for a week anyway, since you hardly even left your fucking room. i told the teachers that you were dealing with some serious home shit, and they believed me.
leave your goddamn room, please. geoff and i are worried. 

wow.

i took the sticky notes off the top paper and brought the pile upstairs with me. i was lowkey glad for the homework because it gave me something to do.

i heard the bathroom door open just as i passed it. i kept my eyes on the homework as i entered my room, ignoring the frantic calling of my name from geoff. i locked both locks before he could force my door open.

i spent all of sunday up in my atelier doing my homework. i had no fucking clue what i was doing, which defeated the entire purpose. i bullshitted the assignments i didn't know the answers for. luckily, there were no essays that i had to do.

monday morning, i wrote some lyrics to another song. i immediately knew that i wanted to call it they all float. it was about how i felt about that wednesday. i wasn't sure if i wanted to validate my feelings about it.

all monday night, i worked on everything else for the song. it was a tiring process, but i pulled through the flashbacks and frustrating rubber taste whenever something was off.

i spent most of tuesday recouping from they all float. i needed another refill of heb orange juice and pretzels though, so i hurried downstairs to get more pretzels and pop some popcorn. whilst the popcorn was popping, i checked the fridge for my heb orange juice. to my horror there was none.

i took a deep breath. i decided to text geoff about the heb orange juice dilemma, since he was less angry at me than otto was.

pomegranate; ey ey bby we have a problem, heb orange juice shortage. can you p pls get some from heb? ♡

geoff replied by the time it took for me to settle in bed with my snacks and a movie playing on my phone.

giselle; i love you awsie, and sure thing, sweet thang <<<333

i cringed and laughed at his text. i sent a quick thanks to him.

i spent wednesday making the colours list for otto and geoff. it took me the whole day because had to do a lot of research. a lot of my words were not words that they used. it took me ages to try to describe my feelings into the damn google machine search bar.

the list didn't feel complete when i was done, but i was sure i would end up adding to it later anyway.

wednesday night and thursday morning were the worst. i didn't know why, and that was probably why i freaked out. i vaguely remembered curling up in the middle of my room, which was bad enough as it was. my panic attacks were so bad that day that i ripped my pillow instead of tugging out my hair.

i think i passed out sometime during a panic attack. i just knew that when i came to, it was sunset. i sat on my new window sill seat in my underwear and oversized jumper to watch the colours.

i never took my eyes off the sky until i apparently decided it was all too much.