A Solitude in Hugs

10/story one/

AN: doesn't that character look like dan???
//

"Where have you been?"

"Suspended." Dan mumbled, "Suspended three days, and guess what? Another week of detention added on by Mrs. Kearney for disrupting her class. This was like my fifteenth strike so they won't play nice with me anymore."

"I'm surprised they even give you detention, since it never seems to work." I say, and he laughs.

"Well, that's the thing. Mrs. Kearney gave me detention, it wasn't even part of the original plan! She hates me but adores Pj. He only has detention for two days since it was his first strike."

"I'm guessing it's not with me?"

"I always have private detentions, but if he is, I'll punch him again."

"I doubt they'd do that, right?"

"I really hope not."

//

Dan walks in and he's not smiling, sitting on the desk with a sigh. "Can I rant to you, sir?"

I shrug. "Nothing's ever stopped you before."

"Yeah, but this is different," He says, laying down on the desk as always, except more distressed then usual. "I've been thinking a lot."

"Explain."

"You know I really...I really tried to busy myself with Cara. Like I'd walk her home every day, I did everything she asked, I carried her bag everytime I saw her in the hall even if it made me late to my class. I focused on everything Cara, always with Cara...because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. And when she kissed me...I think I did it because it is what I thought I was supposed to do also. And then she cheated on me, and I saw it...I saw Pj and Cara kissing right in front of me. But...I wasn't even really that mad at her. I wasn't even looking at her...I was watching Pj. And he was doing what I thought I was supposed to do, and I was just looking at him. And it got me so riled up, I chased him out of locker room and into the hall, and just attacked him. But not because I was mad that he kissed my girlfriend...but because I liked watching him...kiss. Him."

I freeze, hoping this doesn't mean what I think it means. Dan isn't telling me what I think he's telling me...right? No...but Cara? Oh, but not Cara. He didn't really like Cara. He likes...oh no. No. He's not telling me this right?

"I think," Dan says, "I'd rather be kissing boys."

And there it is. I feel my cheeks blush, but I can't move. I hate this more than anything, because I know he wants me to say something, but no words find me. I really hate Dan Howell, for doing this to me. I am not trained for this.

"A-Are you sure?" I stammer, and my voice is so high pitched I see it catches him by surprise.

"Nope." He answers bluntly, "Never kissed a boy in my life. So, I really can't say. But...you can help me with that."

My eyes widen, "What?"

He smiles and sits up, turning to me a bit excitedly. "You can tell me what to do, yeah?"

Oh. Oh okay, that's what he means. Okay. Not what I thought he was suggesting. Good. I laugh nervously and shake my head. "Uhhhh, I don't know if I can."

"Why not? You're gay right? Possibly, me too!"

"Uhhhhh, I just...I'm not all that experienced and I'm like...your teacher kind of."

"Blah, blah, blah." He dismisses me like I'm ridiculous. "I think we're a little closer than teacher-student. Why not pass on some info? Did you ever feel like this? Like how I do?"

"My whole life." I admit.

"Great, then tell me how to fix it."

"I'm not google, I don't know all the answers! You kind of just know. And then...you either choose to act on it or not. It's who you are so you can embrace it or be miserable, I guess. You just do."

"Okay, Okay. Then how did, specifically you, know?"

I sigh. I know exactly how I knew, but it was painful to remember. "Just...I met a boy, or whatever."

"The one you said you were in love with?"

I nod. "Yep, that's the one."

"And he just...he made you know?"

"Yeah, I mean...I liked him so much, I knew that that was...gay. And then you start to isolate your feelings slowly. It's like, did I feel this way with only boys? Do I find just boys attractive? Is that what this means? And then that's it. That's all. You can put a label on it, or you can just go. All that matters is that you are comfortable."

Dan smiled at me. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"I feel like you do a lot without telling me they're secrets."

"True." He says, "But, this secret isn't already speculated."

"Okay, what is it?"

His grin gets wider, "I already knew that I liked boys, I just wanted to see what you would say to me."

Wow, that boy really is an actor.

-

AN: gucci flip flops?????