A Solitude in Hugs

11/story one/

Dan walks into detention all high and mighty, again pretending the break up didn't make him cry right in front of me only a couple days ago. For some reason, I've began to see Dan in a completely new light. And by that I mean, I'm slowly seeing through him the more time we spend together. It was like that day I saw him angry poked holes in his body and left him never the same. To me, he was a boy sporting bullet holes and walking by like everything was fine.

After he totally pranked me only yesterday, I realized that maybe he was always lying, that's why he's so good at it. I thought maybe those holes I saw poke through him have always been there, but I was just too focused on his veil of smiles to notice. Maybe he lied about a lot of things.

Like being happy. And everytime he cracked a joke in class or laughed I always looked at his eyes, to see if they were happy. And I don't think they were. Because after spending so much time with him I know: he's hiding. From those same lots of things.

Dan really did deserve that lead in that musical(and I'm going to see it next week!). Even though he missed a ton of rehearsals, they couldn't afford to lose him, and I've practiced his lines with him and even after detention he meets with the theatre teacher. I wonder if he ever had time for friends.

"Hello, sir!" Dan greets, grinning at me, "What a wonderful day it is to be me."

"Why do you say that?"

"I get to hang out with you." Dan winks, and I feel my face go hot as he makes his way to the desk. And then theres a knock on the doorframe and we both turn around to see Pj there. He's got a cut on his lip and a bruise on his cheek, and his nose has a bandage on it. Wow, Dan did a bang up job. He escaped with only a bruise on his jaw.

"Hello, Mr. Lester." Pj greets, "I have detention with you today, seeming as there's no other detentions being held this afternoon."

"You have got to be kidding me." Dan scowls, and Pj smiles as he enters the classroom, taking a seat right in the middle and putting his feet up on the desk.

"I'm afraid not, Howell. But this is certainly interesting. I've always wondered what you two do in here away from the rest of the world. Just how close you guys actually are."

"You keep your wet dreams to yourself, Liguori." Dan said, "I bet you would like to see two boys go at it."

Pj's face went red and he narrowed his eyes. "Huh, that's real rich coming from you."

"You think? The way you eat bananas I'd be really fucking surprised if you haven't sucked a dick."

"Ah, but the rumor is you've sucked quite a few, including your infamous pizza guy's. That's a personal favorite, actually. I knew you were a queer Howell but I thought you'd be more discreet."

"That's a stupid lie." I scoff, and I don't know why I'm so mad all of a sudden, but I am. "He didn't actually do that. It is exactly what it is. A stupid teenage rumor."

Dan looks surprised at me for sticking up for him, but he smiles a little as if pleased.

"Aw, sticking up for your little boyfriend, that's so sweet. I'm really surprised he's never gotten on his knees for you, the way you prioritize him so much. I guess you really are just that unattractive."

It sort of hurts. I guess sometimes you don't realize that other people may think your insecurities until they tell you them, and then suddenly it's like all the waves come crashing down. I didn't even know that I felt that way, but my heart said I did. I guess I did feel unattractive when Dan would go on about Cara, or anyone else he found hot. It wasn't really something I acknowledged until now. I was always jealous.